Getting Back Our Happy Ending
by Rosesdancinginmymind
Summary: Full prompt inside. Established SQ until their relationship deteriorates. Regina grows sick of trying to win back Henry, of the Charming's attitude towards her and of Emma never fighting for her. So she leaves Storybrooke. Three years later she returns with Emma's baby. Henry and Emma try to win her back but will they all get their happy ending? Slow burn SQ and SwanMillsFamily.
1. Chapter 1

_Regina is really sick of trying to win back Henry, sick of taking all of the Charming's crap, and sick of Emma ignoring her instincts and always taking her parents side even when they are wrong. So she leaves Storybrooke without a word. She comes back after a few years with a baby (Emma's baby that she didn't tell Emma she was pregnant with) Queue both Henry and Emma trying to win her back and she being very very reluctant to forgive them. I'd like for the baby to dislike Henry at first but slowly..very slowly warm up to him. I'd also like a happy ending please. – DefendMyGirlsHonor_

_Okay so I probably shouldn't be starting another multi-chapter story right now but I love this prompt so much and I really wanted to right it so here we go! Thank you for the prompt DefendMyGirlsHonor. Apologies for any mistakes. I don't own Once or its characters. I hope you like the story :) _

Storybrooke was supposed to be her happy ending. She had Henry and she was happy. For nine years she was so unbelievably happy until he found out he was adopted and got that damn book. Since then all she's been able to do is watch as her happy ending slipped away from her.

She thought she was on her way back to it with Emma. _Emma_ she thinks with a sad smile. With the saviour she had been happy once again. She even tried her best to be honest, to get Emma to believe not that Henry still didn't find her suspicious. If anything he thought her attempts to get Emma to believe in the curse and fairytales were just another way for her to win. _That's rich _she thinks bitterly given that in her trying to give Henry what he wanted all she did was lose.

Even after the curse broke she held onto the dream that she could be happy. After all Emma was her saviour, her white knight, the one who promised to defend her and never leave her. _Except it turned out to be a lie_ she thinks bitterly. They were happy in the early days post-curse break. They were each other's refuge. Their home was the place they could relax, strip away their titles and just be Emma and Regina. She cherished those times. She misses those times.

She wonders how her happy ending could have disappeared so quickly.

She'd like to blame Snow and Charming. After all they did everything they could to drive a wedge between her and Emma. They never let Emma just be herself. They were tied up in the labels of Saviour and Evil Queen and ignored what Emma wanted. They pushed what they wanted on her. She knows that Emma still doesn't feel enough for them, she feels like she needs to please them. Regina thinks that that is what makes her angriest at Snow and Charming. Emma is their daughter, she should not have to fight that hard to please them, they should accept her for what she wants and is rather than trying to mould her into what they want.

The blame though is not just theirs. Emma let them drive them apart. Emma let them with every moment that she forsook herself to and her own wants to please them. Emma let them in every moment that she ignored her gut instincts and sided with them. Emma let them when she stopped believing in Regina.

Over the past few months Regina has not been happy. She has tried to talk to Emma but it never works the way it should. She doesn't know how to explain that her misery is in the fact that her family is just not the same.

Henry has rejected her for a long time. Even when she changed, when she gave up magic and started to do good, he still assumed she had an agenda. Emma didn't help. She never stepped in or tried to explain to Henry that Regina was still his Mom. She wishes she had. Lord knows Henry would never hear it or accept it from Regina's mouth. He seems to have forgotten the years they spent together where she was just his Mom. Instead all she is now is an evil queen no matter what she does. She's so tired of fighting for someone who clearly doesn't want her.

It isn't just Henry. She's not even sure Emma loves her anymore. She didn't feel like this a few months ago. Before the curse broke and even in the weeks after she felt like she could have a happy ending. She had Henry and she had Emma and they were a family. They had issues but they were at least together and working on them.

Now Emma never believes in her. She doesn't feel safe or loved with her anymore. She feels on edge. She no longer feels as if she can share her secrets and fears with Emma because she doesn't think Emma will listen anymore. Emma never listens. She listens to her parents even when they're wrong and she knows it.

She knows this is difficult for Emma, that she is adjusting but she misses her Emma. She misses the Emma whose fears she soothed and whose worries she reassured. She misses the Emma who made her feel strong and brave and happy. She misses the Emma who was loyal and stood up for what she believed in. She misses the Emma who wanted her as much as she wants Emma.

* * *

_Regina's anxious. She can feel the curse weakening and she knows it will break any day now. She knows the cause. She fell in love. With each day that she fell in love with Emma the curse has fractured. For a while she tried to suppress it wondering if she was strong enough to face the repercussions of breaking the curse. It was Emma who made her see that she was._

_It's for Emma and Henry that she will break this curse. Emma deserves to have her parents. She deserves to have parents who will love and cherish her just for being Emma. She hopes that Snow and Charming will give their daughter that. _

_She knows that they will not be accepting of her relationship with her daughter. She knows it will be a fight but as far as Regina's concerned Emma and Henry are well worth fighting for. _

_"Hey" _

_She turns at the sound of Emma's voice and a warm happy smile paints her lips. Just being around Emma makes her feel lighter, happier, as if she's just Regina and that that will be accepted. "Hey" she replies before walking over to the blonde. _

_She takes Emma's hands feeling the strength that comes from their connection. She takes a deep breath before making the admission that will break the curse and start their future. _

_"I love you"_

* * *

_"You're not my Mom!" Henry shouts as he grabs his coat and shoes. _

_"Henry!" Regina cries back feeling tears prick her eyes, "I love you Henry. No matter what you may think and know of my past I still raised you. I love you Henry." _

_"You can't love anyone" he spits out, "You're the evil queen. I asked Grandma to tell me her story and I know what you did to her." His accusing turn stings. He asked Snow her side but didn't ask for hers? That hurts. She can feel her heart ache that her own son would take the book and Snow's view but wouldn't think to ask hers. _

_"Every story has two sides Henry" _

_"Yeah the hero's and the villain's. Why would I want to hear your excuses? You did what you did because you're evil and you hate Snow." _

_"Did you ever wonder why?" _

_"The book says it's because you thought she was prettier than you" _

_She lets out a bitter laugh. The book clearly just ignored her story instead painting a picture of her as some sort of shallow villain incapable of love. She should have known, when the victors tell the story it's never the whole truth. "You think that's the whole truth?" she asks, "Did Snow tell you that?" _

_"No she said it was more than that. She wouldn't tell me why though." _

_"Do you want to know how this all began?" _

_"Yeah but I want to hear it from someone good not from you. You're the evil queen, you'd probably just lie to me" he says as his final parting blow before storming out of the house. _

_Regina sighs as he leaves leaning heavily against the wall. Once the door slams she lets her tears roll down her cheeks. It doesn't seem to matter how much she loves him or how hard she tries, he always sees her as just the evil queen. _

_It hurts her even more that he doesn't even want her side of the story. She always thought that her bright inquisitive son would one day ask for her side so that he would have the whole story. But just like everyone else in this town the tale is black and white to him. She is evil and that's that. She slides down the wall sobbing as she does. One lie, about the adoption, and he has never trusted her since. Even when she was honest about the curse he decided she had an agenda. She wonders if one day in the future he'll ever see her as more than her past. She wonders if he'll ever remember that she is his Mom. _

_Sitting there sobbing all alone with her knees tucked into her chest she doesn't believe that day will ever come to pass. _

* * *

_"Emma I swear to you I had nothing to do with this" Regina says honestly pleading for Emma to believe her. _

_Charming dragged her down to the station without telling her why. It was only when Emma came in that they broke the news of Archie's death. She's innocent. She knows it. She knows no-one else will believe her. She doesn't care. The only people she needs to believe in her are Henry and Emma. _

_"After everything I've done to change, for you and for Henry, do you really think I would throw that all away now?" She wouldn't, not when she's so close to having a happy ending. _

_Emma looks into her eyes and for a moment Regina has hope. _

_"Okay" Emma says with a nod and Charming scoffs, "You're seriously buying this?" he asks her. _

_"I didn't do it." She says more insistently. "Besides the fact that I'm here and the case so obviously points to me shows sloppiness. If I did this do you think you would have captured me so easily?"_

_"You've been caught before" Charming points out with a smug smirk. Typical of him and Snow to make their assumptions and then find the evidence to fit it. They don't care if she's innocent or not. They clearly don't care if Emma believes her. In their eyes she's guilty and she knows they'll fight to prove it. She just hopes Emma will come through for her. She trusts Emma to fight for her, to prove that she's innocent. _

_"I know her. I believe her. In your land she was the Evil Queen. Here's she Regina. She's free to go." She overhears Emma say and she lets out a small sigh of relief. She still believes in her. Regina knows that as long as Emma sticks to her convictions and instincts as she has done in the past then everything will be okay. _

_It's later that day when Emma turns up to arrest her that Regina feels the sting of betrayal. Her eyes fill with barely controlled tears of hurt and anger. _

_"We know who you are and who you'll always be" those words float in her mind for days and weeks afterwards. All that talk about believing in her, about knowing her and it was all a lie. And yet she couldn't help but love Emma and hope that she would see past the deception of her mother and realise the truth. She hopes that Emma will fight for her. _

_Deep down as she sits in her cold vault wondering if Emma really does believe in her she's filled with fear at the possibility that she already knows the answer._

* * *

_Once her innocence has been proved and her mother dealt with Regina leaves her vault to go visit Emma and Henry. She knows they've been staying at the apartment with Snow and Charming. As she lingers outside of their door she wonders how her home crumbled so quickly. _

_She wonders why she's fighting to see them at all when they gave up on her so fast. _

_The answer is in the love in her heart. _

_A love she's not certain is reciprocated anymore. A love that she hopes would have been enough to keep Emma and Henry's faith. _

_She knocks on the door. _

_"Regina" Snow says startled. _

_"Hi" Regina begins, "I'm here to see Emma and Henry" _

_"Oh" Snow replies, "Well they aren't here." _

_"What?" Regina exclaims in disbelief. They left?!_

_"Gold asked them to help find his son in New York. They left this morning." _

_"She just up and took Henry without telling me?" _

_"Well you weren't easy to find. Besides I don't think Emma really has to run anything by you" Snow says dismissively. _

_Regina bites back a retort feeling the hurt sting her. Does no-one remember that Henry is her son? Emma cannot just take him. The Emma she loves and new before the curse would never have done this. No, this is a clear enough message to her. _

_They don't want her. _

_She isn't even worth a courtesy phone call or message. _

_Emma did what she promised she would never do. She left and took their son without even a word. _

_She loves Emma and she loves Henry. She loves them more than anything. Standing there in the doorway staring at two people who have done nothing but try to shove her away from their family she feels incredibly unloved. _

_She wasn't even worth a goodbye to them. _

_They didn't believe in her and they didn't care enough to find her._

* * *

_They return to New York with Henry's father in tow. Snow clearly could not be happier. Emma apologised. Henry gave her a quick hug and an apology for not believing her but is still giving her a wide berth. Clearly he still does not want her. _

_He spends all his time hanging around with his newfound father, the man who abandoned Emma in prison, the son of Rumplestiltskin. That didn't bother Henry. Her being the evil queen meant that he hated her and that she wasn't his Mom. Rumplestiltskin is the Dark One and yet she overhears Henry calling him 'Grandpa'. _

_It sickens her. She knows Henry is quick to attach and enjoys his new family members but what hurts is that to do so he tosses aside his existing ones. She is his mother and yet she gets less of a chance that the Dark One? A man they all feared and despised until he became biological family. _

_It's a few weeks after the revelation that she is at dinner with the Charming's. She can tell that her presence is about as welcome as the plague. Emma squeezes her hand softly, "I want you here" she whispers and Regina smiles half-heartedly wondering if it's true. Since New York she's had her doubts. _

_"So Neal how long are you planning on staying?" Snow asks cheerfully. Regina spotted the hidden agenda to this dinner immediately. She's waiting for Emma to call Snow out on it, to point out that she's happy and already with someone. So far she's had to suffer through salad and dinner with Snow trying to push Emma towards Neal. _

_He shrugs, "I don't know, I figured I'd stick around for a few weeks to get to know Henry and then make a decision." _

_She nods, "Well perhaps while you're here you and Emma can get reacquainted?" she suggests. Regina spots Neal give her a curious glance. At least someone remembers that I'm here. _

_"Aren't you with Regina Emma?" he asks. _

_"I am" Emma replies. _

_Snow rolls her eyes dismissively, "Yes but it would be nice for Henry to spend time with his family" _

_"I am his family" Regina says in a hurt tone. "You may hate me Snow but I am Henry's mother and I love your daughter." She turns to Emma waiting for her to say something but all the blonde says is, "Maybe we could all have dinner together?" _

_Regina lets out a hurt exhale before getting up and leaving. _

_She feels tears roll down her cheeks as the cold wind hits her. Something tugs on her arm and she spins round to face Emma. _

_"What the hell Regina?" Emma asks in an irritated voice. _

_Regina snaps, "What the hell? What about you? You're just sitting there and letting your mother try to push you towards Neal. Why don't you say something?" _

_"She's my Mom and it makes her happy" Emma says in a small voice. _

_Regina sighs, "Emma she's your Mom and she should be happy with you just for being you. You don't have to change who you are for them. They should be happy for you if you're happy. Don't let them push you into something you don't want Emma."_

_Emma frowns before nodding, "I don't know how to be what they want" _

_"Just be you Emma." _

_"I do love you you know?" Emma asks. _

_Regina nods half-heartedly, "I know. I love you Emma. You are enough. Am I enough for you?" _

_"What? Why would you even ask that?" _

_"Why wouldn't you stand up for me? Why did you leave without telling me? Why didn't you believe me about Archie? Why do you always take their side?" _

_Emma huffs, "I'm not doing this now Regina. I'm going to back and enjoy dessert with my son. If you want to join us you're more than welcome" with that she storms off. _

_"Our. Our son" Regina says dejectedly as she watches Emma leave. She realises that Emma never answered her original question. _

* * *

_A few weeks later she overhears Snow and Charming talking on a bench. _

_"What will we do with Regina?" Snow asks. _

_"We could just leave her here" Charming suggests, "It would be safer for everyone." _

_She frowns. Since the curse she has not been a danger at all. She hasn't even suggested that she would cause anyone harm. And yet she still isn't trusted. She wonders if they've even asked Emma if she wants to go back. Regina knows full well that the blonde does not want to go to the Enchanted Forest nor does she want Henry living there. _

_"Emma and Henry wouldn't go for that" Snow points out, "Though lord knows they'd be better off." _

_Regina rolls her eyes. Snow really doesn't seem to care what will make her daughter or grandson happy. She's far too blinded by her hatred. _

_"Emma is his mother Snow." _

_"Regina was too" _

_Was. _

_"Well we still have Rumple's cell. We offer her a choice, come with us and live out her days in that cell or stay here in Storybrooke." _

_At that she walks away her mind reeling. Did they forget that she cannot harm them in their realm anymore? They want to stick her in a cell but what about Rumple? Such a double standard she thinks bitterly. _

_She wonders what Henry and Emma would say. She wonders if Snow and Charming have even bothered to consult them let alone asked the people if they wish to go back. _

_They won't let her keep Henry. She knows that. She also knows that Emma won't fight them on it. After all neither one of them have returned to the house. Henry barely sees her nor does Emma encourage him to. Emma has even gone back to referring to Henry as 'my' son. _

_Emma herself barely visits. Occasionally she slips away from her parents long enough to meet up with her but the last time she saw Emma yesterday all the blonde did was chastise her and tell her to be the person Henry wanted her to be rather than concerning herself with plots and schemes. I was right though Regina thinks. Looking back now she realises that Emma must have known. She knew about the beans. _

_She knew and she wasn't going to tell her. _

_She burned the beans anyway. It might have been petty but they all lied to her. They were going to take Henry without another word. She can't believe that Emma would betray her like this. Maybe one day they'll find another way back there but she has to stop them from forcing Emma and Henry to leave._

_She knows that one way or another they would have found a way to manipulate Emma into coming with them. _

_She loves Emma and Henry but she cannot live like this. All they do is shut her out. Emma no longer involves her in decisions about their son. Emma never believes or sides with her even when her instinct tells her she's right. She thinks back to the Emma she fell in love with, the Emma for whom she was enough. _

_She wonders where that Emma went. _

* * *

Regina sits in her car at the town line. She never thought it would come to this. She thought this town would be her happy ending. It was supposed to be.

For a while it was. She had Henry. He believed in her. He loved her. To him she wasn't an Evil Queen but his Mommy and for nine years she was blissfully happy. She was enough. It was all she ever wanted.

Now she has to fight to spend even a minute with him and he begrudges any moment with her. She's so tired of fighting for someone who doesn't want her. She can't help but think he'd be happier with her gone. He already lives like she is.

With Emma she thought she had a second chance. She let hope and light back into her heart and she believed that her happy ending and a family were possible. Emma loved her. Truly loved her and she loved her for being her.

Then it all slipped away. Now Emma doesn't even seem to want her. She certainly doesn't seem to respect her as Henry's Mom. All the fighting for them comes from her. Emma never fights. Emma from what she can tell has given up.

She cannot live like this.

This was not her happy ending.

She places her hands on the barely perceptible bump of her belly, "I never thought it would come to this little one but I want you to have a happy ending. I want us to have a happy ending. I thought it was here baby but" she pauses to wipe the tears from her eyes, "it wasn't. One day maybe we'll come back but right now little one it's time for us to fight for a happy ending."

With one final glance over the town that was her home for 29 years she clicks her seatbelt into place and drives over the line.

_Always happy to hear what you think. Hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow! I am so amazed with the feedback and reception to this story just off the first chapter. Thank you all so much for your follows, favourites and reviews :) _

_To the guest who felt there were too many flashbacks my apologies but I included them so there would be much more of a sense as to where Regina was coming from in her feelings. _

_This chapter briefly covers the __years that Regina is away from Storybrooke. Obviously it's not everything, just some of the main events that occur for Emma and Regina and hopefully explaining why Regina comes back at all._

_Anyway apologies for any mistakes and I hope you enjoy the chapter :)_

(Storybrooke – May 2013)

Emma frowns as she once more dials Regina's cell only to hear that same message telling her the number has been disconnected. _What the hell happened to you Regina? _She thinks as she drums her fingers against her desk. It's been days since she's heard from her or even seen her around town. Emma can't help but wonder how long the woman's been missing and why it took her so long to notice.

_Because I've been pushing her away. Because I'm spending all your time with Henry, my parents and of course Neal who Snow invites to every meal_. Emma sighs realising that she owes Regina an apology and a lot more. Regina is her true love and yet looking back over the past few months Emma sees that she really hasn't acted like they are.

She listened to her parents over Regina even though they were wrong. She left without telling her. She took Henry. She doesn't stand up for her when Snow pushes Neal onto her or disrepects her. The last time she saw Regina she flat out lied because she knew her parents were planning to leave for the enchanted forest and didn't want to tell her.

_I did everything I promised I wouldn't do._ Emma realises with a cold shiver. A feeling of dread stirs in her stomach. She needs to see Regina now.

Grabbing her jacket she runs to the mansion knocking on the door. "Regina!" she calls out thumping the door only to receive no answer. _I used to live here _she thinks wondering just when she decided not to stay over anymore.

She stands there knocking and calling for twenty minutes before fishing out the spare key and entering the house. The first thing that strikes her is the emptiness.

"How the hell didn't I notice this?" she asks as she spots several smashed windows and a bucket and clearly used to clean up graffiti. The house feels empty and fall of ghosts. A cold shudder runs down her spine as she searches each room only to find no sign of Regina.

Her first thought is that something must have happened. Someone must have taken her. That is until she notices certain things are missing. Regina's photo album is gone, her teddy bear that Emma gave her in the hospital after the fire at the town hall is gone, and the framed photo of the three of them is missing from the hallway.

She wasn't taken Emma realises with a sob, she's gone.

She left. She left me. She left Henry.

Sorrow dissipates into anger as she punches a wall. _Regina left me _she thinks before slumping down and kneeling on the wall in a house of everything she lost.

She feels abandoned.

Yet she cannot just blame Regina because she pushed her away first. _I pushed and she went_.

Her fury rises again as she looks at a picture of Henry and wonders how on earth she'll explain this to her, _our_ she corrects herself, son when she can't even explain it to herself.

_What the hell happened to my happy ending?_

* * *

(Boston – May 2013)

Regina looks around her new apartment with a nervous smile. This is it. The second she signs that lease this is her new home and she really will have left. She knows she has already but somehow signing that piece of paper makes it all the more real. She knows with a signature she's committing to not going back.

So for five days the paper sits unsigned on her hotel nightstand as she battles with going back. She sits crosslegged on her lumpy hotel bed, she can't afford anything too flashy right now, staring at the photo of herself, Emma and Henry from last year's Miner's Festival.

_Back when we were happy_ she thinks sadly. Back before the curse broke and they both pulled away from her.

She shivers in the cold of the room. She didn't take too much money with her, she gave a lot of her stockpiled mayoral earnings back to the town when the curse broke so that Storybrooke could repair and improve itself – not that anyone cared. Now she just has her savings and she needs to make them last while she decides what to do.

She runs her hand over her growing bump, "What do you think baby? Can we do this?" she asks. Regina smiles as she feels the baby stir and move slightly.

As much as she wishes Emma were here with her right now she knows that even if she were in Storybrooke Emma wouldn't be with her. She wonders if anyone has noticed she's gone yet. She got rid of her cell phone and opened up a new bank account already so that no-one could find her. And yet a part of her had hoped in those first few days that Emma would notice her absence and come chasing after her but obviously it is not meant to be.

She's not even certain she wants Emma to come after her. Her heart still aches when she thinks of Henry and Emma. When she thinks of how they abandoned her and tossed her aside. She may have left but they checked out on her first and that still hurts.

Deep down in her heart although she loves them so much she can't leave this hotel room. She can't bring herself to climb into her car and drive back to Storybrooke because she knows what will happen. Even if they noticed her absence the wounds are still there.

Maybe things would be different if Emma knew about the baby but is that really what she wants? Emma only staying with her because of some sense of obligation? No. She wants Emma to want her for her and the past few months have shown her that neither Emma nor Henry wants her enough.

In the three days before she destroyed the phone however no-one called. She didn't even get a text asking if she's okay. She sniffs back a sob knowing that no-one is looking for her. No-one noticed her absence.

She looks at the photo of her son and true love before standing up and signing her name on the lease.

The next day she sits in her apartment on her brand new double bed, a bed with no memories nor reminders of the blonde she craves, looking at her latest ultrasound scan.

"This is it little one. Our new home" she says with a sad smile before shrugging on the oversized sweater of Emma's she took and letting herself cry.

* * *

(The Enchanted Forest – January 2014)

Emma frowns as she stares out over her parent's land. After they regrew the beans a few of them decided to come back here. A lot of people stayed because this land simply was not their home anymore.

It was never Emma's.

But her parents wanted to come over and rebuild their kingdom. Henry wanted to find out what Enchanted Forest life was like so she put aside what she wanted and decided to go with them.

Four months later Emma wonders when she's going to start putting herself first. She's so damn tired. Her mother keeps pushing Neal on her and trying to get this land to feel like home but it isn't. It just isn't. And it never will because Emma's home is not in this place.

When Regina first went missing Snow and Charming suggested that she had stolen the beans and come here.

Emma knew this was wrong. Regina would never come back here and they never understood why, nor did they understand why she destroyed the beans. Emma did. She didn't at first. At the time she was still angry and dealing with an apathetic Henry who was trying to convince himself he didn't care.

Now, that the dust has settled Emma knows Regina was right. She tried to tell her that she was losing herself for her parents but Emma just ignored her. She wanted her parents and she wanted them to want her.

Now she just wants Regina back.

Staring out at a crumbling kingdom that, in spite of her mother's optimism, cannot be rebuilt she knows that Regina burned those beans to try and save her. Even when she was leaving her Regina was trying to save her, trying to give her time to think about what she wanted.

Emma just wishes she had used that time to think properly. Instead she wasted four months being angry and wondering how Regina could abandon them and sacrifice their happy ending.

Returning to the Enchanted Forest is what made Emma see the light. With no work or friends to distract her she realised the truth of her loneliness and pain. Her sorrow was not just that Regina left, but it was also that she had let her go.

Her rage is gone. She just wants her happy ending back. She has to go back home.

She finds Snow later that day to say goodbye.

"Emma you haven't even given it a chance" Snow says with a frown as she watches her daughter clutch the bean, Henry standing solemnly beside her.

Over the past few months his apathy has disappeared and now he just misses his Mom. Now he wishes he hadn't pushed her away all those times and that he had just given her a chance. This castle and land is nothing like what he thought it would be. He thought he wanted adventure and being a prince.

What he wants is hot cocoa with cinnamon. He wants movie nights with his mothers. He wants to go to school with his friends and ride his bike around the town. He wants to hear his Mom calling him her little prince.

Apathy has given way to loss and regret. He wants to have hope but he has a feeling they are way too late. He was trying to push Emma and Neal together when they were so wrong for each other. He didn't notice how unhappy Emma was until they came here and then he knew the reason, she couldn't have a happy ending without her true love.

Now he just has to hope they can find her.

"Snow we gave it a chance. I tried to do what you wanted. I came here when I didn't want to. I pushed Regina away for you. I took your side over Archie. I let you push me towards Neal. I've done so many things Snow because you wanted me to and I'm tired of it. I'm going to do what is going to make me happy and I want you to be happy for me Snow. I'm your daughter and I should be enough. I'm sorry if I can't make you happy but I need to find my happiness."

"And why can't you find it here?" Snow asks biting back a sob at her daughter's words. She was only trying to do what she thought was best. She didn't mean to make her unhappy.

Emma shakes her head, "My happy ending isn't here"

* * *

(Boston – February 2014)

Regina smiles as she looks down at the little baby girl in the stroller. She's sleeping peacefully right now and when she does Regina can't help but marvel at her little miracle. She has her dark curls but her eyes are all Emma. It hurts sometimes to know that but also it makes her feel happier because she has the beginnings of a happy ending.

She may not have Henry or Emma but she has Lila.

With Lila she's trying to be the best mother she can be and for the most part she is happy. Lonely at times but mostly happy. She misses the pair so much that it hurts to even think of them but she's trying to move forward.

She tucks a pink blanket over her five month old's sleeping form, "Okay Lila let's go for a walk." She loves walking out in the brisk fresh air of Boston. In Storybrooke she could barely leave the house without fear of hateful stares or muttered curses. Here she can melt into the crowd and it her walks are just about her and her baby. It is just about her happy ending like she hoped her life would be.

She hums contently as she walks down the street before she collides with a figure. It happens more often with the stroller so she's used to apologising, "So-" her word is cut off when she sees who she's walked into. "No" she mutters before trying to turn the stroller and get away. A quick departure is not really possible with an infant.

"Regina wait up!" the woman cries out before skidding in front of her.

Regina sighs at the sight of the brunette with red streaks, a part of the past she thought was gone, "What do you want?"

"Can we talk?" Ruby asks looking down at the stroller.

Regina follows her gaze to her daughter who, despite how much she looks like her, is obviously Emma's. "Not here" she says before leading the other woman to a park she knows. She sits down at her favourite bench that overlooks the lush green space and takes in a deep breath. This place always makes her feel calm and she often ends up walking Lila over here.

"How did you find me?" she asks after a few moments of silence.

"Wolf senses." Ruby shrugs, "I wanted to find you so I grabbed one of your sweaters. I tracked your car to Boston where some guy said you sold it"

"I did. I was trying not to be found."

"Well because of the sweater once I got to Boston I was able to sniff you out so to speak" Ruby explains. As she talks Lila stirs and Regina smiles before taking her out of the stroller and sitting her on her lap. "Whose this?" she asks.

"Lila" Regina replies, "When I left I was pregnant. I know I have no right to ask any favours of you but please you can't tell anyone"

"Granny and I already knew. We could tell. Don't worry we kept your secret. We figured when you snuck out of town in the middle of the night that you didn't want anyone to know"

"Thank you. I know I don't deserve your silence but thank you so much. Can I ask why you so desperately needed to find me?" she asks before snuggling her little girl.

"A few months ago some people went back to the Enchanted Forest" Ruby begins and Regina stills with fear, "Emma?" she asks.

"She and Henry went at first but they came back which is what encouraged me to come find you."

"You're here to take me back?" Regina asks fearfully clinging to her baby girl. She can't go back. Not yet. She's not ready to see them, to have her heart broken all over again. She's only just starting to heal and going back will destroy all of that.

"No" Ruby replies adamantly. "Trust me I'm not. I came because I wanted to thank you"

"To thank me?" Regina asks surprised.

"Yeah I wanted to thank you for Storybrooke because for a lot of us you gave us a new home. The Enchanted Forest was our home but we were always living in chaos and struggling. In Storybrooke Granny and I can be together and just live our lives. You gave us the freedom to just live Regina. Without Storybrooke I would have to go back to our land and fear being hunted. Now I can be a waitress, I can have a second chance and I wanted to thank you for that. And so I also wanted to apologise."

"What for? I cursed you all. I should apologise."

"But you did already" Ruby replies, "You gave us all that money to rebuild. You apologised to us all and tried to redeem yourself. We just were too stubborn and angry to let you. I wanted to apologise because I, well we all, saw how Emma and Henry pushed you away and we did nothing. Emma was so angry when you left but I couldn't tell her that I understood why you did it, you felt abandoned and pushed aside and I'm sorry that I let you feel all alone."

"Thank you Ruby" Regina replies. She can feel tears welling up in her eyes. After all this time to receive an apology, not from the two she wants it most, and from such an unexpected source is heartwarming. "Do you want to meet Lila?" she asks holding out the baby.

Ruby grins taking the adorable little girl, "Why Lila?" she asks.

Regina smiles sadly, "Emma told me once that if she ever had a daughter she would name her Lila because it meant innocence and hope. Lila is my fresh start, my hope when everything seemed dark."

"You miss them don't you?"

"So much" Regina replies, "But I can't go back Ruby. I'm not strong enough to let them back into my heart yet."

Ruby nods before reaching for Regina's hand, "Well you don't have to be alone anymore. If you want a friend in Storybrooke you have one."

* * *

(Storybrooke/Boston – November 2014)

Emma and Henry have been back for ten months now. They've been living in the old apartment. For a while they debated about going to live in the mansion but they couldn't bring themselves to do it. It just wouldn't have felt right to be there without her.

Henry joined her avidly in her searches for the first few months, sitting there as she ran online searches and tried to track down the vanished brunette. Eventually though he gave up searching and tried to focus on his life instead.

His desire to find her is still mixed with his anger at her leaving him and his anger at himself for making her feel like she wasn't wanted.

Two months ago he stopped searching and threw himself into his and Emma's life instead. If he focussed on his school work, his friends and Emma then he didn't have to miss her. Or so he thought but it didn't work. Almost every day something will happen and he'll think of her and if she's happy now. That's what he hopes for most, that she at least found some happiness wherever she is.

Emma isn't. At first she entertained thoughts of moving on but she couldn't do it. Then she tried going across the border to the next town, drinking and sleeping with people to try and forget Regina. Nothing could erase her though. With each person she slept with all she could think of was how she wished they were Regina.

She can't give up.

She gave up when Regina was here and she lost her because of it. Despite people telling her to let go or to give up she can't because she knows Regina is out there somewhere and she needs to make this right. If the past eighteen months have taught her anything it's that happy endings are worth fighting for and so she has to at least try.

She drops Henry at her parents, without Emma and Henry around they soon returned, and sets off for Boston. She ignores Snow's suggestion that she just leave it and stay instead. Thanks to a contact at a used car dealership she knows Regina sold her car in that city. So she at least has a place to start.

Emma spends three days walking the streets looking out for any glimpse of Regina. She spends three days hoping for a miracle. No matter how hard she tries though she cannot find her. She goes everywhere she can think of and covers all the ground she can but wherever Regina is in this city she's keeping a low profile.

Reluctantly she heads back to Storybrooke. At Henry's hopeful expression she simply shakes her head and he sighs before hugging her tightly. At thirteen he's nearly as tall as she is now. She can't believe Regina is missing their son growing up. She wishes the other woman could be here but she's slowly resigning herself to the fact that Regina's never coming back.

* * *

(Boston – January 2015)

Once her money begins to run out Regina takes a job at the café down the street from her. She considered going for a job in politics but changed her mind. She doesn't want to be in the public eye. As a Mayor and the Evil Queen she lived in infamy too long. Her life was constantly watched but here in Boston she wants to blend in, to just live her life and so she takes a job bussing tables and serving coffee. It's easy and simple but it keeps her busy and content.

Occasionally a regular will ask her out but she turns them all down. After Emma she can't open her heart up just yet. She knows no-one else will compare now. Emma is her true love after all and she can't imagine anyone replacing her.

At the same time she can't imagine going back to Emma. Her heart is just about patching itself back together. She has Lila. She has friends in Ruby and Granny who have given her more support than she ever thought she was deserving of. She has a job and her apartment. She has a life now. A life where she isn't pushed aside or judged or doesn't feel enough.

It's not a happy ending but it's nowhere near as painful as being in Storybrooke was.

It's been nearly two years but the thought of starting up a romance with someone new just saddens her and reminds her of what she's lost.

She also can't help but think of how badly her heart was shattered by Emma and Henry and she can't risk opening her heart up only to have it broken again.

She finishes wiping down the counter before waving a quick goodbye to her boss and walking down to the daycare centre across the street.

A grin leaps onto her face as she spots her little girl. "Lila" she calls out and her seventeen month old's head whips up. "Mama!" the little girl shouts out excitedly before running over to her. Regina swoops her up in her arms overjoyed each day at hearing "Mama" from Lila's mouth.

"Hello baby girl. Did you miss me?"

"Yeah" Lila replies still playing with a toy phone, "Bring" she mimics cheerfully and Regina laughs before leaning into the phone, "Hello?" she calls out as the little girl laughs.

_This is all I need right now _she thinks.

* * *

(Storybrooke – August 2015)

"If it weren't for you she'd still be here!" Henry shouts furiously at his grandparents. Emma walks in to find her fourteen year old son in the middle of a fight with her parents.

"Whoa kid what's going on here?" she asks placing a hand on his shoulder.

"They were saying we were better off now Mom's gone" he replies. She can hear the bite in his voice but see the tears in his eyes.

"Okay kid, go wait in the car" she says.

"Ma" he begins to protest.

"No just grab your bag and wait."

She waits for him to leave before turning to her parents with a cold glare. She knows they think that everything's better without Regina but it isn't. At least not for her and Henry. She is so sick of having this fight with them, of hearing them profess how happy they all are now.

"Emma we can explain" Snow begins.

"No" Emma cuts her off, "No you can't. You can't keep badmouthing Regina Mom. She is Henry's Mom. She raised him for ten years. He loves her. I still love her and I still hope that one day she will come back. I know she probably never will and that pisses me off so much because I tossed my happy ending away. It's okay for you, you two have each other. I have to live knowing that Regina is gone and will never come back. I lost her forever and as angry as that makes me I have to live that. So does Henry. It doesn't make it any easier for us to hear you tell us we're better off because we're not."

"Emma it's been over two years. You're both moving on. It's time for him to let go."

"He's never going to let go Mom. She's his mother. He's always going to miss her just like I always am. I can't live like this anymore Snow. This doesn't work. Tonight Henry and I are going to Granny's and then we are finding our own place."

At that her mother looks at her with watery eyes, "But we're all meant to be together"

"We can still be together and be family but if we stay in this apartment then we're just staying in the past. Henry and I we need to move on with our lives and try to be happy. We need our own place, our own home. It won't be a happy ending but it'll be a start"

* * *

(Boston – present – March 2016)

"Come on boo bear where are you hiding?" Regina calls out searching for her daughter. The two and half year old loves to play hide and seek. Regina smiles as she hears a chuckle from behind the countertop.

"Lila where are you?" she singsongs as she drops down onto her hands and knees before crawling round the island. She giggles to herself as she sees Lila sitting there with her back to her

"Boo!" she shouts tickling her daughter's sides. Lila shrieks before giggling, "Mommy you find me" she says happily. "Who this?" she asks pointing to the object in her hand.

Regina gasps slightly swallowing down a small sob as she eyes the photo in Lila's hand. "You know who they are boo bear, that's Henry and that's your Mama Emma." She may not have been able to bring herself to go back to Storybrooke but she still let Lila know who they were. She knows one day her daughter will have questions, questions that right now she doesn't want to have to answer.

On several occasions, normally after a visit from Ruby and Granny, she considers visiting Storybrooke but every time she thinks of it, she thinks of losing Henry and Emma and the terror that she just might lose Lila too and face fresh heartbreak.

The phone rings startling her from her thoughts and she quickly picks it up balancing Lila on her hip. "Hello?"

"Regina, it's Ruby. I need you to come home" Regina frowns at the tears in the other woman's voice. Over the past few years she's grown to consider her as being like a sister to her.

"Ruby what's wrong?"

"It's Granny. She's in the hospital. Please Regina I need you to come." Ruby pleads.

"Okay." Regina replies, "Okay I'm coming Ruby. Don't worry I'm coming."

"I'm sorry to call you back. I know you don't want to have to face them again" Ruby begins apologetically but Regina cuts her off, "No Ruby, I had to face them sooner or later. I can take it. You and Granny are mine and Lila's family. We're coming to support you."

"Regina. Thank you"

"It's okay. I'll see you soon." She replies before hanging up the phone and turning to Lila, "Want to go to see Auntie Ruby?" she asks cheerfully to try and hide her growing fear. She's going to need all her strength to return to Storybrooke.

She could have said no but after all Ruby and Granny have done for in the past few years she can't turn them down.

No, it's time to suck it up and return to Storybrooke.

* * *

(Storybrooke – present)

Emma sighs as she hears the loud music coming from Henry's room. Ever since he turned fifteen he's decided that when his music is on it has to echo through the whole house. With a frown she knocks on his door, "Henry! It's after ten. You know our deal. Turn it down!"

The teenager opens the door with a moody frown, "What?" he asks leaning lazily against the doorframe.

"Can you turn the music down please? We're going to get noise complaints"

Henry rolls his eyes, "Fine can I go back to my game now?"

"Half an hour kid, then you can read or something before bed"

"Sure Ma whatever" Henry replies with another eyeroll that reminds her so much of his other mother before slamming the door shut.

Emma trudges down the stairs looking forward to Grey's Anatomy and some hot cocoa. She pauses as usual at a picture of her and Regina at Henry's old castle. She smiles sadly before tracing the features of the brunette. _Maybe one day I'll see you again _she thinks.

The doorbell rings and her brows raise in surprise. No-one ever visits her and certainly not this late at night.

She quickly sweeps her hair into a ponytail in an attempt to tidy it up before checking her reflection in the mirror they keep by the door. "Urgh it'll do" she mutters before pulling open the door.

Her jaw drops open upon seeing the woman on the other side.

"Hi"

_Okay so the present of the story is March 2016 - just under three years after Regina left. Hope you enjoyed this part. I shall try and update again soon. Thank you all for reading :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Hi again. Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites so far. This would have been up sooner but I was hit by a case of the flu :( Apologies for any mistakes. Thank you once again to DefendMyGirlsHonor for the prompt. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)_

(Earlier that day)

Regina drives straight through the town glancing at the familiar buildings she once called home. Driving the route to the hospital brings tears to her eyes just from the ease of it. Some things never leave the memory. She keeps a smile on her face and sings along to the nursery rhymes to entertain her daughter.

She smiles at Lila giggling and singing in her car seat. She focuses on her little girl and not how coming back to a town filled with memories of the past is far more heart-breaking than she thought it would be. Every road she passes, every spot in town she can conjure up ghosts of her time with Emma and Henry.

She sighs shaking her head as she pulls into the parking lot of the hospital. No-one ever said coming home was easy but she has to. She has to because this isn't about her or Emma or Henry. It's about Ruby and Granny who need her. It's about her daughter who needs her to be strong. For Lila she can put aside her own pain to do what's best. She just hopes her fears won't come true like they did several years ago.

Regina takes a deep breath before climbing out the car and moving to the back to pick Lila up from her car seat. She smiles as the little girl excitedly clings to her thrilled to be out of the car, "No more car Mommy!"

Regina laughs, "No. We're going to go see Granny and Aunty Ruby"

"Why is Granny here?" Lila asks frowning at the building full of doctors and nurses.

"Okay, well at the moment Granny is a little bit poorly so we've come down to cheer her up. Think you can do that Lila-bug?" she asks gently tickling her daughter on the nose.

Lila smiles and nods, "Big hugs"

"That's right big hugs. Now let's go find our family" she says before walking into the hospital. She hears the crashing of a mug and several stunned gasps at her presence but she shakes them off choosing to focus instead on her daughter and Granny.

"Regina!"

Regina turns at the voice as her daughter shouts "Aunty Ruby!" before kicking to get down and running over to the other woman. "Hey Lila" Ruby says swooping the little girl up, "How's my favourite little niece"

"We were in the car for ages" Lila says.

Ruby chuckles before walking up to Regina and pulling her in for a hug. Regina can see the tear tracks on the younger woman's face. "How is she?" she asks running her thumb over the tear stained cheek.

Ruby sniffs before replying, "She had a heart attack. We were at the Diner working and she just keeled over Regina. God. I don't think I've ever been so scared, it's why I called."

"No, no of course I understand. Is she going to be okay?" she asks worry creeping into her tone. She loves Granny and Ruby, they are her family and the thought of losing them sends waves of terror through her.

"Whale says yes but she's going to have to take it easy for six weeks. He wants to keep her here for a few days. I shouldn't have called. You and Lila have your life in Boston. I just panicked" Ruby says apologetically.

"Don't be silly Ruby. You're like a sister to me and Granny, well she's Granny" Regina says with a chuckle, "She's going to pull through this okay and until she's back on her feet I'll stay here and help"

"What about your job and your place?" Ruby asks bouncing the toddler in her arms.

Regina chews her lip for a moment. Yes she has a job and she has an apartment. But to her the only important thing there was Lila. At the end of the day her family means a lot more to her than some job. "Don't worry about it, I'd rather be here with you guys. Plus I'm sure Lila would love to spend six weeks with her Granny and Aunty Ruby. What do you say Lila, do you want us to stay with Aunty Ruby?"

Lila's eyes widen excitedly before she claps her hand before giving her aunt Ruby a smacking kiss on the cheek, "Yeah!" she cheers, "Stay with Ruby!"

Regina smiles before hugging the younger woman once more, "Then it's settled. We're staying."

"Thank you, thank you so much Regina. Do you want to go see Granny? I'll look after Lila" she offers and Regina nods letting Ruby guide her to the hospital room. "Lila stay with Ruby. Be good okay?"

"Alright Mommy" Lila says as her mother kisses her on the forehead.

"Ruby…" Regina begins anxiously looking around the hospital, mainly at the people staring at them, some in accusation, others in just plain shock. She wonders how long until one of them puts two and two together about Lila. She wonders how long until Emma finds out about her return.

Ruby as if reading her mind puts her hand reassuringly on Regina's arm, "It's okay. I'll keep her safe. They would have to pry this little girl out of my cold dead arms. No-one's going to hurt her or take her. I would never let them."

Regina nods, "Okay. Okay. Thank you Ruby." She takes a deep breath knowing she can trust Ruby with Lila. Ruby and Granny are two of the few people she actually has faith in and even that took a long time. After Emma who broke so many of her promises to her she was scared to trust for a long time. She counts herself lucky that she has Lila and that she has two people who were there to show that she could trust without being hurt.

She walks into the hospital room smiling at the woman in the hospital bed. It startles her to see the woman who's usually so strong lying there in that bed. "Hi Granny" she says as the tears start to fill her eyes. She hates the thought of anything happening to Granny.

The older woman frowns at her before beckoning her over and pulling her in for a tight hug, "Don't you start crying on me too girl. Between you and Ruby this place will end up under water."

Regina laughs as she hugs her, "Sorry, I just. I got scared when Ruby told me what happened to you. What are you doing scaring us all like that?"

Granny chuckles at her as Regina moves to sit on the edge of the bed, "Sorry dear. Don't worry I'll be back on my feet in no time."

Regina frowns sternly at her, "Yes because you're going to do what the doctors say and take it easy for six weeks."

"I have the Diner and the B&B to run"

"And you have me here to help. You're going to get better Granny and you're going to let me help you just like you and Ruby have helped me so much over the past three years" she knows nothing could ever repay the debt she feels to Ruby and Granny. Their support has meant the world to her and now they need her she's going to step up.

"What about Emma and Henry?" Granny asks taking Regina's hand, "It's a small town Regina and I don't want you to get hurt again."

"It's okay I won't. I'm going to go see her tonight."

"Why? You don't owe her anything Regina"

"I know but I owe Lila. Emma is her mother and I don't want the first time Lila meets her to be an accidental bump-in at the Diner. I owe it to Lila to tell Emma we're here so that Lila can meet her properly."

"You're a good mother Regina but what about you?" Granny asks concernedly.

Regina smiles sadly, "Just because I want Lila to know them doesn't mean I do. They hurt me so much Granny and I still don't know if I can trust them. I don't know what seeing them is going to be like but I do know that no matter how much I still love them that I can't let them back into my heart and I won't. As far as I'm concerned Emma is Lila's mother and that'll be it."

Granny nods at her though she can't help but still be worried, "Okay Regina. Just be careful. I don't want to see you getting your heart broken again."

"Me neither" Regina replies. She's not sure her heart could take letting Henry and Emma into her life again and right now she's not willing to risk the potential heart ache. Right now her priority is Lila and for her daughter's sake she'll go see Emma.

* * *

"Hi" Regina says as the door opens to reveal Emma. Just the sight of the blonde brings back too many memories, memories of love but memories tainted by the pain of the past few months of their relationship.

Emma's jaw drops as she sees Regina standing in front of her. She never thought she would see Regina again. Even when she was looking for her a part of her believed that Regina was lost to her forever and now she's here and Emma finds she has no idea what to do. What on earth do you say when faced with a love who you pushed and pushed until they left? She grips the door hard feeling her fingers bruise against the hard word but she cannot let go. It's that grip that stops her from beginning to cry. Right now she can't. She can't breakdown in front of Regina not after all these years. Three years ago she would have let herself, she would have cried and let Regina comfort her. But the Regina before her is not the one who once held her through nightmares and soothed her sobs. She can tell that straight away. She can see it in the way Regina is holding herself steady and focusing all her energy on keeping that pained smile on her lips.

It's in that moment that Emma realises exactly what she did to Regina. She helped her take down her walls and be Regina only to hurt her in the process. That pained smile damn near kills her because she realises that her and Henry tore down her walls only to break her heart. She wishes more than anything she could go back in time and stop that smile from having to happen.

The silence continues to linger awkwardly between them as Regina looks down at her feet. She scuffs her shoes on the floor to avoid looking at Emma for one second longer. She knew this would hurt. She just never realised how much. She takes a deep breath thinking of her little girl waiting for her in Ruby's car before looking back up at Emma.

"Emma" she says slowly forcing the blonde to look at her.

"You're here" Emma replies finally. She takes a step forward and Regina takes one back. Emma frowns at the movement before retreating back to her doorway. Gone is the closeness they used to share, even as enemies they would be in each other's faces. Now they have the space of strangers.

"I am" Regina says. "Look –" she begins but Emma cuts her off.

"Where have you been? Why are you back?" she asks. A brief flash of anger rises in her again, "Are you here to see Henry?"

Regina frowns at the questions. She's not even sure she's ready to see Henry. For the past six months she was in Storybrooke he acted like she was already gone. She missed him so much but she knows she cannot face him tonight.

"Look I'm not here to tell you all that. I'm here because I didn't want the first time you saw me to be an accidental bump in at the diner. I'm not that cruel Emma. I have something important I need to tell you. Can you meet me for lunch tomorrow?" Regina asks.

Emma nods knowing that Regina's right. No matter what others may have thought of her the brunette would never do something like that. Even after she and Henry had hurt her so badly. She can't help but let herself hope at the lunch offer although she doubts it will mean what she hopes it will. She wonders what Regina could have to tell her. She considers the offer. Three years ago she pushed Regina away until she left. She searched but it was too late. Far too late. Now Regina's back and she doesn't want to let her slip away again.

"Okay. Granny's?"

Regina nods before muttering a quiet goodbye and exiting quickly. She flees to the car where Ruby and Lila wait. With a glance to check her little girl is asleep she throws herself into the front seat and let's herself cry.

Shutting her front door behind her Emma does the same.

* * *

Emma passes Henry's room unsure as to what to say to him. She knocks tentatively on the door knowing she has to tell him. If he finds out Regina visited and Emma didn't she knows he'll be furious.

"What?" Henry asks in his gruff deeper teenager voice. At fourteen he's now taller than she is. He's let his hair grow out into messy bangs that she cannot get him to cut. Regina raised him for the first ten years. Whilst Emma is his mother too there was so much they both realised she just didn't know about him and he didn't know about her. Things have been awkward. Even with their shared loss at times they sat in silence, the absence of Regina lingering painfully in the air until they both escaped; Henry to his room and Emma either to hers or if the memories were particularly bad a bar.

"Henry can I talk to you?" she asks.

"Whatever" he shrugs before granting her access to his room. He flops down on the bed and gestures for her to say whatever needs saying.

"Okay well I have some news for you. Your Mom, Regina, she's back" she says anxiously awaiting his reaction.

Henry sits up straight before laughing, "You're kidding right?" he asks. There's no way his mother would return or at least so he thought. At his mother's serious and pained expression he realises this is no joke. His love turns into a nervous and bitter chuckle before he asks "She's back?"

Emma nods before sitting next to him. Today he doesn't shift away. Today he lets her place an arm over his shoulders in comfort that they both need, "Yeah Henry."

He sniffs before turning to his mother, "I never thought she'd come back. I thought we'd lost her forever."

"Me too kid" Emma replies. She had hoped of course but she never thought it would come true. She doesn't even know what to say to Regina tomorrow. She doesn't even know what Regina wants. As much as Emma loves her and wishes she could just pull Regina into her arms and show her just how sorry she is, she knows that right now it's not possible. She could tell in Regina's face and the distance between them earlier that they will never be the way they were. She's not sure she wants them to be given how much hurt it led to.

"Why is she back?" Henry asks.

Emma sighs, "I don't know. She invited us to lunch tomorrow. She said she has something important to tell us."

"What?"

"I don't know"

Henry huffs throwing off her arm from his shoulders, "What do you know?" he asks in irritation.

Emma frowns, "I know she's back. Okay Henry she's back."

"Do you think she wants us back?" Henry asks with a hopeful smile.

Emma sighs wishing she had a clear answer. She can't give him false hope. That would crush him if it turned out not to be true, "I don't know Henry. We hurt her really badly kid."

"I know but she came back. She wants to see us. That must mean something right?"

"Maybe Henry. Look I know she's back and you hope this means you can make it up to her but let's just see how lunch goes okay? I don't want you to get your hopes up or push too hard." She replies with another sympathetic smile. If she's honest she wishes the same as Henry, that Regina being here means they have a chance to make it up to her, to prove that they do love and want her. But she also knows that so much has changed. She knows there's a lot of anger and resentment between them and so many issues now. She also knows that Regina may not want them back at all. _I wouldn't blame her_ Emma thinks sadly.

Henry sighs, "Okay Ma. I think I'm just going to go to bed now okay"

"Okay kid. Good night"

"Night"

Emma wanders out of his room and into her own. Her night passes fitfully with dreams of her and Regina back when things were good between them, back before the curse broke and everything got far too complicated.

She wakes for the tenth time that night to stare at her clock. The numbers read 6:15 and she decides to simply give up on sleep for the night. Evidently she's not going to get any rest. Every dream she had would cause her to wake in tears because she would remember what she had lost by pushing Regina out of her life.

She sighs as she stares up at her ceiling as her mind runs through the questions that are plaguing her. _Why is Regina back? What has she been doing for three years? Where was she? What would bring her here? What does she want to tell her? _

She can't help but worry because she knows that if it makes Regina face her after all these years that it must be serious. Emma's no fool. She knows that if Regina could have done she would have continued to avoid her and Emma knows she can't blame her for that.

As mad as she was at Regina for leaving she was also mad at herself for making things get to that point.

They were supposed to be each other's happy ending. Emma wonders if that's even still possible. She doubts Regina believes so, she has no reason to given how their so called "happy ending" worked out before.

Emma sighs running her hands over her face wishing once more that she could go back in time and fix things. She wishes she had known what she had before it was too late.

* * *

Ruby says nothing as they make the quick drive to her apartment where she's letting Regina and Lila stay for the time being. She stays silent as she grabs her sleeping niece from her car seat before taking Regina by the arm and gently steering the crying woman inside.

She settles Lila in the inflatable pink blow-up bed Regina brought with her before walking out into her lounge to where she left Regina.

"Lila" Regina says through a sob, "I need to check on Lila"

"She's okay" Ruby says before pulling Regina in for a hug, "Okay. Lila's alright. She's sleeping and she's fine. But you aren't so let's just sit and talk and cry"

Regina nods hugging Ruby back, "Okay. I'm just going to check on her" she says before quietly walking into what is now hers and her daughter's room. She smiles at the gentle snores coming from her daughter. She kneels down tucking a blanket around her before running her hand through her daughter's dark chocolatey curls. Sleepy jade eyes blink open at her, "Mommy" Lila says groggily.

"Hi boo bear" Regina says with a smile, "Good night"

"Night" the little girl replies her eyes shutting immediately. Regina smiles kissing her daughter's forehead and handing her her favourite stuffed rabbit. She watches her sleep for a few moments reminding herself of the happiness in her life now.

She pulls the ladybug night light out from her bag before plugging it into the wall just in case Lila wakes up again and is scared by the dark. Once that's settled she pulls on a pair of her pyjama bottoms and a sweater before walking out into the living room.

Ruby smiles at her before handing her a glass of wine.

"Thanks" Regina replies taking it with a grateful sip and sitting down on the couch.

"I thought that after today we could both do with a drink" Ruby says taking a sip from her own glass. "So what was it like seeing her again?"

Regina sighs leaning back into the couch once more, "It was weird. I knew it was going to hurt, I knew that. I just didn't know it was going to hurt so much."

Ruby nods, "You know you don't owe her anything right?"

"I know. I want Lila to know her and Henry though. It was just seeing her again was so weird. You know, we used to be so close. Even when we fought we would be in each other's face."

"I know, there was some pretty blatant eye-sexing going on"

Regina chuckles remembering those days, "I know. Even when we were fighting we still had that passion, that desire to be close to each other. We lost that Ruby. Standing there outside her door I realised that I don't know her anymore. She was supposed to be my true love, I told her everything and I thought I knew her but I don't think I ever really did. She made me a lot of promises and then she broke my heart but even after that whenever I thought of her I still had this image in my head of her and who she was. Ruby, she's not my Emma anymore" Regina says a tear rolling down her cheek.

"No she's not but you're also not her Regina anymore. You've both changed a lot in three years. She's not just the saviour and you're not just the evil queen. I think you're both different people and that's a good thing. Regina you two practically destroyed each other. She pushed you away and broke your heart and then your leaving broke hers. I think honestly you both not being who you were three years ago is good." Ruby replies.

Regina looks at her digesting her words, "I'm still worried"

"About Lila or you?" Ruby asks.

"What?"

"I know you're scared they'll take Lila but I think you're also scared that they're going to hurt you again"

Regina smiles sadly, "Both. She promised she would never take Henry from me and then they both left. But I also still love both of them, what if I let them back in and they hurt me again?"

"Don't" Ruby advises, "Just don't let them back in. Let them see Lila, let her get to know them but as far as you go they don't deserve anything from you. You can't trust them, they broke your heart and you're still hurt and resentful over that. Right now there's way too much history and pain to get past before you can even think of getting close to them. All they are to you are Lila's other mother and her brother. Don't let them hurt you again."

Regina nods, "I'm not going to. I can't. I don't want them back Ruby. I don't want to want them back"

Ruby smiles sadly at her pulling her in for another hug, "I know. Just remember you're not doing this alone."

"I know, thank you Ruby. Now, I think we should both get some sleep before tomorrow. It's going to be a long day." She sense there'll be a lot of long and possibly heart-breaking days ahead. She just hopes things will go well for Lila tomorrow.

* * *

Regina enters the diner chewing nervously on her lower lip as she carries Lila on her hip. Her daughter oblivious to the stares of the townspeople excitedly babbles on in her two year old gibberish about the new and exciting things she spots around her.

Ruby waves at the pair giving her a reassuring smile which Regina returns to try and tamp down her anxiety. _This is for Lila _she reminds herself taking a deep breath as she tells herself just exactly why she can be strong.

She spots Emma and Henry in the back booth and knows that this is time. She wonders what Henry will look like now. It's been three years since she last saw him. She can pinpoint the exact last moment she saw him. It was that dinner that Snow threw and spent the entire meal pushing Neal at Emma. It was their last meal together. It was after that meal where Emma called Henry 'her' son and she realised that she was not enough for either of them. That was a month before she left. In that month she didn't even get a phone call or a cursory wave when she saw him on the street.

She thinks sadly of all the things she missed. She'll have missed him going into puberty. She'll more than likely will have missed his first date and his first kiss. Moments that she had dreamed about when she first held him that she never got to see because he decided that Emma was the only mother he wanted.

Her heart catches as she sees the tall brunette sitting next to Emma. She almost can't believe the Henry sitting there is the same little boy she left behind.

_Okay here goes _she thinks before sliding in across from them.

Emma and Henry both stare at her in shock once more as they see the little girl who is so clearly a mixture of both her mothers.

Regina sets Lila down next to her before turning her gaze from her daughter to the stunned pair, "Emma, Henry this is Lila."

_Thanks for reading :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi all. So sorry for the delay, I've been bogged down by uni work lately do updates have been taking me ages. Hopefully once I finish my essays the updates will come a bit faster. Thank you for all your feedback so far. Apologies for any mistakes and I hope you like this chapter :) _

(Boston – October 2013)

Tears roll down Regina's cheek as she clenches her fists around the rail of her hospital bed. She went into labour early this morning and she's terrified. Today more than any other day she wishes Emma were here, that it were possible for her to be here. She knew when she left what it would mean, that it would just be her and the baby. She knows she had to leave, that if she had stayed they would have taken her baby or Emma would have stayed out of obligation not love. Regina couldn't have lived either of those lives.

She couldn't bring another baby into their situation.

She couldn't make another child grow up seeing her and Emma fall apart.

A contraction ripples through her and she cries out in pain. It was going into labour that hammered home her reality. There's a difference between deciding to leave and go it alone and being alone. She cries herself to sleep most nights contemplating going back to Storybrooke and dreaming of her family.

When she first found out she was pregnant she dreamt of what this day would be like. She dreamt of Emma holding her hand and encouraging her. She dreamt of Emma kissing her when it was over and them meeting their beautiful new baby as they pictured their future ahead of them. She dreamt of them introducing the baby to its big brother and the four of them sitting together on the little hospital bed, a happy little family.

A dream that could never be real.

Not while Emma pushed her away and Henry hated her.

She had to protect her baby. She had to fight for her happy ending. She had tried with Emma and Henry but they would not fight with her and so that battle was lost.

With her baby she knew she could be happy. She finally had hope again. She couldn't lose that. She couldn't lose her hope and chance for any happiness. It's why in her desperation she crossed the town line that night. She wanted a family and a happy ending and she knew it could never be in Storybrooke, not anymore but that it would be with her baby.

Today as pain shoots through her lower stomach she wishes with all her heart that Emma were here, that Emma would be there to see their baby.

But with every wish she remembers what would have happened. She pictures Emma snatching the baby from her arms and taking her away. She pictures having to watch Emma with her baby and Henry while she stared from the sidelines, alone and heartbroken.

What breaks her heart even more is that she doesn't even picture Emma standing by her side and them all being happy anymore.

She knows it was not meant to be.

She pushes and she screams and she cries. This is not how she imagined this happening. With one final push a cry pierces the air and Regina cries along with it, a smile bursting onto her lips as she sees her baby girl for the first time.

"Lila" she whispers stroking the baby's soft cheek as she cradles the tiny girl in her arms.

Sitting there staring into the face of her baby Regina knows she made the right decision. _She's perfect _Regina thinks her heart brightening in her chest as she falls in love with her daughter. She wishes Emma were here still, that it didn't have to be like thus but staring at Lila's face and squirming body she knows she did and will do anything to protect this baby and that they will both be happy, even if it is just the two of them.

"I love you Lila" Regina says kissing her daughter's head, "I'm your Mommy and you Lila, are my light." She sighs sadly before continuing, "You have another Mama and a brother but they aren't here now. I had to leave them for a little bit because I couldn't lose you Lila. Maybe one day things will be better and you'll meet them one day. Until then it's going to be me and you for a little while but don't worry because you and I are going to be so happy and I'm going to be the best Mommy I can be to you boo bear. I love you so much."

* * *

(Present)

"Emma, Henry this is Lila." Regina says nervously as her daughter burrows shyly into her. She places a kiss on the little girl's head as Emma and Henry stare at her in shock.

There's no question of who Lila's other parent is. Whilst the two and half year old does look very much like a mini-Regina, her eyes scream Emma. Staring into swirling blue and green wide eyes Emma knows beyond a doubt that the child looking at her in vague recognition is hers. _I have a daughter. A daughter I never knew I had. _

She doesn't know whether to scream or cry.

Part of her is furious. The only thing stopping her from launching into a tirade is the presence of her son and Lila. She wants to scream and vent over all the missed milestones, milestones she missed with Henry and now again with Lila. She wants to shout over a life she never knew existed, a life she should have been a part of.

She wants to blame Regina but even as anger floods through her mind she knows she can't fully put it all on Regina. The brunette may have taken Lila but deep down Emma knows why she did it. She knows if their positions were reversed she would have taken the baby and ran. After all she nearly did the same with Henry back when the curse was still active.

As angry as she feels she understands the impulse to protect your child and to be that terrified that you will lose them that running feels like the only option.

She wants to scream.

She wants to scream at Regina but also at herself.

Because of the two of them their family is in pieces. Regina has missed Henry's life. She's missed Lila's. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. They were supposed to be together raising Henry and any future children. _Look how well that dream turned out _she thinks bitterly. She has a daughter. Another first word missed. Another first step missed. First tooth. First haircut. First smile. Holding her when she was born. So many moments just gone.

She clenches her fist under the table curling her hands into her jeans to hide her anger so as not to frighten the small girl sitting on Regina's lap.

She wants to cry.

Lila is the exact picture of what she imagined her and Regina's baby would look like. Years before when she still envisioned that life with Regina, long before things fell apart, she would picture their baby. Deep chestnut curls, slightly tanned skin, Regina's sweet smile and Emma's eyes. Exactly like Lila.

Emma can feel the tears prickling her eyes as she keeps her gaze fixated on Lila who fiddles with her toy phone giggling at the animal noises as she presses the buttons. _She's perfect _Emma thinks smiling brightly at the little girl.

She had no idea what to expect when Regina invited her to lunch but this never crossed her mind. She never imagined that she had another child out there, a child with Regina.

It's in that moment that Emma realises her actions didn't just cost her Regina but so much more. She lost their future.

She's at a loss for words right now. She wants to say something but what do you say when the love you thought you lost turns up three years later with a daughter you never knew you had in tow? Tears burn in her throat as she struggles between anger and sadness.

She's still learning how to be a mother. It's taken several years for her to adjust to being Henry's Ma, to get to grips with being a parent and all the things it entails. She never realised how hard it must have been for Regina. For the first year and even before Regina left she was more Henry's buddy, the friend and fun parent compared with the woman he believed to be the evil queen. To Henry, who at the time had buried all his memories of his warm loving mother beneath that veneer of the queen, Emma was a bright relief. No-one pushing him to do homework or eat his greens, letting him stay up late and play video games all afternoon.

It was only when Regina left that they both realised the folly of their familial division. In pushing Regina into the bad cop role they had created a life without rules and well that just leads to chaos. Henry missed structure and routine, he missed all the little things Regina would do that Emma just didn't know how. Emma realised that without backup she had to learn how to discipline and make sure Henry was healthy. It was harder than she realised to suddenly be displaced from just the fun Mom role and take on everything.

Now she has to be a mother all over again and once more she has missed the beginning. There is so much she doesn't know about Lila just like with Henry. With Henry she learned that a lot of parenting is in the details, in the little things that soothe the child and keep them happy. She once again looks at Lila, drinking in all the little actions and expressions of the toddler noting how she is a mix of Emma and Regina in so many ways.

She sighs heavily wondering what on earth she's supposed to say. She doesn't know Lila but Lila doesn't know her either. She doesn't want to overstep here and frighten her. After missing two and a half years she doesn't want to miss anymore. Emma knows that no matter what may occur between herself and Regina she wants to be Lila's Mama.

Emma takes in how Regina holds tightly to the little girl as they sit in silence. At first Emma takes it as protectiveness but then she catches a caramel gaze that she still knows how to read so well. She frowns as she sees that the expression isn't one of determined protection or happiness at seeing Henry again but is instead one of absolute fear.

Her frown deepens before realisation hits her like an icy stab in the gut twisting her insides up. She looks at Henry seeing how much he's grown since Regina last saw him. She notices how Regina glances furtively up at him when he's not looking as if she feels she has no right to even peek at a son who rejected her so thoroughly.

The fear hurts Emma more than anything else. She used to be Regina's one safe place and now she is the one who causes the terror because Emma ultimately made one of Regina's worst fears come true. Emma always promised they would be together, that she and Henry would always be Regina's family. Instead Emma essentially picked Snow and Charming over Regina and never encouraged Henry to keep his mother in his life. She let them both drift away from Regina until eventually Regina had lost them both.

_She took Lila because she couldn't lose anyone else. She thinks I'll take her away. _

She wouldn't. She can't. Henry loves her and he knew her. When Henry chose to come live with her he knew her as his Ma and friend. It was uprooting but uprooting himself by choice. If she took Lila she would be ripping her away from the only life she's known and into the arms of complete strangers. Emma knows what that's like all too well. She can still remember all too vividly being taken from home and after home and then being passed off into scary unknown places. She would never inflict that on Lila.

Finally Emma looks up at the pair swallowing down the lump in her throat. She can't meet Regina's eyes. There's a lot she wants to say to Regina, a lot of questions she wants answers for but she can't demand them in front of their children. That conversation is not how she wants her daughter to remember first meeting her. She takes her time sounding out the name in her head before voicing it with a bright tone she hopes doesn't sound as forced as she thinks it does, "Hi Lila."

* * *

(Storybrooke – May 2012)

Emma and Regina lie in bed together with their hands linked. They've just had one of their family movie nights. Henry's still distant towards Regina but Emma hopes that maybe when the curse eventually breaks that this will change, that maybe soon he'll see there's more to Regina than her past.

She knows Regina's been on edge thinking about the curse breaking. She's been telling Emma that it will happen soon, that she can feel it weakening. Emma just hopes that everything truly will be okay once they figure out how to break it. Emma believes it will be their happy ending, that once they break the curse they can all be together and start building that life she wants them to have.

Emma loves their family movie nights. She thinks of them as a preview of what their future life will be like. She's never been one to think of the future but then Henry appeared on her doorstep and brought her here to Storybrooke. She met Regina, fell in love and suddenly one night was not enough.

She's thinking about things she hasn't thought about since Neal, since Tallahassee. She pictures moving into the mansion full time. She can see it now, the three of them sitting down to dinner together, having lazy Sunday mornings where they eat breakfast in bed and watch TV. She can see her and Henry playing games together as Regina rolls her eyes and makes comments as they play. Emma wants a morning routine where they eat breakfast together before Henry goes to school and she and Regina go off to work. She envisions herself surprising Regina for lunch and them having a life of laughter and happiness as they raise their son together.

Images flicker behind her eyelids. Family picnics. Trips to the park or the cinema or Granny's Diner. She can picture meeting her parents and having them know who she is. It'll be awkward at first but she knows they can move forward. She hopes her parents will be willing when they see she loves Regina. She knows Regina is willing to make the effort for her, she's the first person who would do that much for her. That tells her Regina is special and that her love is reciprocated. After Neal she was terrified of falling in love again but now it no longer seems so scary. She smiles thinking about how she'll have a family, what she's waited for her whole life. Her heart sings with the prospect of happiness as she absently dreams of the future.

With Regina she thinks long-term. She can see herself moving in and then maybe proposing and eventually getting married. _Regina would be a beautiful bride._ She doesn't know if Regina would ever want to get married again, even if she doesn't want to Emma wants to be with Regina forever. The idea of building a life with the brunette in her arms makes a wide smile paint her lips.

She dreams of having more kids. She can see her and Regina running after a whole bunch of little kids. She can see their future children idolising their big brother Henry. The idea of it makes her giddy with anticipation.

She looks down at Regina wondering if their baby would look more like her or Regina. She hopes the baby would take after Regina. She sees a lot of Neal in Henry but a lot of his mannerisms are pure Regina. When she closes her eyes and imagines their baby she has Regina's hair and bouncy curls and tanned skin. She pictures a little girl running around, all sass, humour and cuteness probably bossing Henry around and having her mothers wrapped around her finger.

Emma laughs already knowing what she would name that daughter.

The next morning as Regina stirs sleepily in her arms Emma tells her about the dreams she had and their future daughter. She tells her the name she has picked out.

"Lila" Emma tells her. "Like Lily it means innocence and hope but it also means night. Lila is my dream in the night time, our hope to carry us through what might be a dark time. Lila"

"Lila" Regina replies sounding out the name with a warm smile, "I like that. I hope we get to have her someday."

* * *

(Present)

"Hi" the little girl replies with a small wave as she peeks out from beneath her Mom's arm. She flashes the blonde lady she recognises from her Mommy's photos a warm smile. Emma grins back willing her tears to remain at bay.

Emma looks up at Regina, "We need to talk. Properly. Without Lila or Henry."

"I know" Regina says curtly.

Emma frowns at the tone, "Hey. No matter what happens we need to be civil. I want to be in Lila's life Regina. I already lost nearly three years." The unspoken 'thanks to you' dangles at the end of the words hitting them both.

Regina frowns back sighing, "I'll let you see Lila but I want to be there."

"Why?"

Regina chews her lip before just deciding to be honest with her, "Because I don't trust you anymore Emma."

Emma's heart breaks with those words and the raw pain filling them. She has a ton of retaliations ready. She wants to scream and cry that Regina left her but she finds she can't. She tore down Regina's walls and then destroyed the trust Regina gave her. She wants to scream but she doesn't know whether to vent at herself, Regina or maybe even both of them. She realises she has no position here to fight Regina, to ask her anything more than the brunette is willing to offer. "Okay" she says.

Regina offers a small smile before once more sneaking a peek at her silent son who has done little more than stare at Lila. He doesn't know what to say to his mother. The last words he spoke to her were "You are the evil queen and always will be." It's been three and a half years since he spoke those words. He doesn't believe them anymore. He hasn't believed them in three years. The last time he saw her he was a rash angry boy who saw the world in absolutes. They had lost the easy comfortable interchange of mothers and young children. They had no communication system at all. What words he said to her were of anger and rejection.

He doesn't know where he stands with Regina anymore.

He can see from the look in her eyes that she isn't the same woman either. She's still strong like he remembered and still an amazing mother. He can tell just in how she holds Lila and rocks her that she has that loving nature he chose to forget. He sees the same easy protectiveness she had for him flash in her eyes as she tells Emma that she'll let her see Lila but only with her there.

But she's still not the woman she was. She's not the Regina who chatted with them easily in this very diner and snuggled into Emma during cosy movie nights. She's not the same woman who wrapped him in warm hugs without hesitation.

His mother now looks at him as if saying hello would be overstepping her boundaries. Three years lost. Three years and they feel like strangers. The past sits between them like a haunting echo of what they had and what caused them to fall apart. He misses his mother. He has done for ages. He wishes he had known what he had but now she's here and with another kid he doesn't know what to do.

He wants her back. He wants his mother and a relationship with her but he can't tell if she wants that. He wonders if he can be a big sister to Lila who looks at him curiously.

"Hi Henry" Regina says tentatively finally swallowing the lump in her throat as she takes in the sight of her teenage son. He's so much bigger than she ever imagined he would be. She can tell immediately that he'll tower over her. She can see in his eyes that in three years he has changed so much. He no longer looks at her with anger and hatred but instead, like her own eyes, his expression is haunted with what they've all lost and cannot get back. He looks at her almost wistfully. She wants to hope. She wants to believe he wants her but her memories hold her back.

"Hey Mom" he replies uttering that title for the first time in four years. Her lips twitch up in a tiny smile before she pauses unsure of what to say next. Small talk seems too stilted and awkward but asking about the past three years and what he wants seems too much. She doesn't want to be the one pushing or fighting here. She will protect her daughter and make sure Lila gets to see her big brother and mama but as for her own relationship with them, well she can't help but be a little bit wary. Henry will always be her son and she will always love him just like she will always love Emma but this all feels so off now.

They aren't what they were three years ago and it's too obvious to all of them. Whatever notions Emma and Henry had of potentially making it up to Regina and just starting over again have faded slightly. They can see now that it will all take a lot more time since they'll all need to get to know each other all over again.

Regina can see that Emma and Henry aren't the same people she left behind. They're the people she loves but still are different enough for her to feel awkward just sitting her with them. Three years ago Emma and Henry were where she found comfort and safety. Now she just wants to leave this booth and escape with Lila to their room or the park so she can feel like she belongs again.

She misses having them as her family but she knows it will be a long long time before she feels like she can let them be a part of her family again. Family means trust and safety and well Emma and Henry aren't that anymore.

The thought saddens her but she knows she needs to be honest with herself. As much as part of her heart still belongs with them and aches to be with them again she knows she can't. She needs to think of Lila and herself. Last time she fought so hard for Emma and Henry whilst they gave up on her. She can't do that again. If she were to even consider letting them into her life she has to know if she can trust them. She has to know that she matters to them.

Right now, however, her priority is her daughter. She can tell Emma has grown as a parent but still she needs to make sure before she entrusts her to care for Lila. She has to make sure her daughter is happy and that she feels safe letting Lila be here. With Ruby she knows she can trust her because Granny and Ruby have proved that they are her family providing her with their friendship and support when she needed it most. Plus Lila loves them and knows them and so she feels confident leaving her daughter in their care.

Emma and Henry are different. She doesn't know them anymore.

She flags Ruby over needing to end this lunch. They've met Lila and that's enough for today. She can sense her daughter beginning to get cranky as her nap time draws near. To her it seems like a good cut-off point for this meeting.

She knows there will be more to come in the following days. She can sense a confrontation with Emma brewing soon, one that has been brewing for three years and needs to happen. She knows it does. That doesn't mean she won't dread it.

Emma frowns seeing Regina call Ruby over, "Are you going?" she asks. After three years apart a fleeting lunch does not seem anywhere near enough. She suspects it's all she can hope for right now.

Regina nods, "Yes. Lila here needs a nap. I can call you and set up a time for you to see her in the week?"

"I'd like that" Emma says, "Bye Lila"

"Bye" Lila says snuggling tiredly into her mother offering the other two a half-hearted wave.

Ruby comes over with a slightly worried expression. She's been watching from afar just in case but luckily the lunch seemed to go by rather peacefully. She looks to Regina who mouths "later" before saying, "Can I have the bill please Ruby?"

"We'll split it" Emma cuts in and Ruby nods placing the paper on the table. Emma frowns as she realises that Ruby unlike everyone else in the diner hasn't even questioned Lila's presence.

Regina pulls out the necessary cash before adjusting Lila on her hip, "Okay boo bear let's get you down for a nap."

"I want Aunty Ruby" Lila whines and Regina freezes. Emma stiffens at the words before turning to Ruby with a shocked glare. "Aunty Ruby?!"

_Always happy to hear what you think. Thank you for reading :) _


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you for all the reviews to the story so far :) _

_I have other updates and dissertation work to do but I really wanted to get this chapter written so here it is. Apologies for any mistakes. Hope you enjoy :)_

(Storybrooke - April 2014)

Emma sighs as she trawls through another print-out of information. So far all of it has been useless. It's as if Regina just vanished without a trace. With a sad frown Emma realises that it was the curse that made that possible. Storybrooke was never meant to be in this world, neither were its people. She knows everyone here has identities and bank accounts and everything they need but it's all connected to the town.

Even with Regina gone the curse somehow manages to keep the town alive and flourishing. No-one questions it because they're just happy to go on with their lives. Even if they won't admit it they're grateful because even if they were nobodies in the Enchanted Forest they all have identities here, they all have lives and names and a chance to be someone.

Emma knows that if anyone could craft an identity and extend it to the outside world then it would be Regina. She's smart enough to make herself an identity and one that Emma cannot trace.

She rubs her face in her hands wishing she had started looking sooner. She has no-one to blame for that but herself. It was her choice to listen to her parents and go to the Enchanted Forest. It was her choice to try and start over by forgetting. She should have known that would never work.

It's been a year. Nearly a year anyway. Eleven long months without Regina though it feels like longer. Emma feels tears prick at her eyelids as she sits there at Granny's.

Ruby comes over to fill up her cup and is about to leave without a word when Emma stops her. She's noticed how the other woman has been distant. Even before she left for the Enchanted Forest she noticed a change in their friendship. She chalked it up to a growing distance between those who wanted to stay and those choosing to go.

When she came back she wasn't expecting to instantly reconnect but she was expecting Ruby to just snub her completely. Sure she gets a greeting and polite requests for her order but little more.

Emma reaches for her wrist to stop Ruby who scowls before stopping. She plasters on a polite smile before facing Emma, "Can I get you something else?"

"Do your wolf senses work outside of this town?" Emma asks. She has to know. If they do then Ruby can help her track Regina down.

Ruby scoffs stepping away from her, "Seriously? We've barely spoken since you returned and when you finally do it's just because you want something?"

Emma frowns, "What? Ruby we're friends."

"Are we Emma? Because when I said I wanted to stay and your mother tried to guilt me and shame me into returning, like she did to so many others you referred to as your friends, you did nothing. How are we friends? Even when you came back you just expected everyone to welcome you back as if nothing had happened. Life doesn't work like that Emma. You can't just abandon your friends, treat them like crap and then play the friend card when you need to use them for something."

"You think I just want to use you?"

"If it weren't for my wolf senses would you even have flagged me down?"

Emma would love to say yes but she can't. Lately her entire life is about Henry and trying to track down the woman she should never have let go in the first place. She would love to say yes but it would be a lie. She wishes she could defend herself but she can't because all of what Ruby said was true. When her mother went around trying to railroad people into returning to the Enchanted Forest and treating those who didn't want to go back as if they were traitors she did nothing. She sat back and let her because she didn't want to upset her mother.

Now she sees it cost her her friendships as well as the respect of the town which she is still trying to win back now.

She sighs, "I'm sorry Ruby. Can we start over?"

"I wish we could." Ruby replies. "You're searching for her aren't you?"

Emma nods, "Of course I am."

Ruby raises a sceptical brow. After her encounter with Regina and Lila, her and Granny have called Regina and visited the pair twice. She feels protective of Regina and Lila now. Regina is, dare she say it, her friend and she doesn't really want to see her get hurt again.

In all honesty she doubts Emma's commitment to Regina given how long it took her to start searching in the first place. She was there to see how Emma pushed away everyone who displeased her parents. She saw how desperate Emma was to be what they needed her to be. She saw how much it cost Emma even when the other woman didn't. She knows Emma does love Regina but it took her nearly a year to start looking.

To Ruby that doesn't make sense. Had someone she loved gone missing she would have wasted no time. She would have started searching immediately until she found them. She could never have waited a year.

She worries about why Emma is even doing this in the first place. Is it to win Regina back or just to assuage her and Henry's guilt?

She knows Emma wants Regina back but having seen Regina and Lila she knows for a fact that Regina can't let Emma back into her life. Not right now. Not when her heartache is still so fresh. She made a promise to Regina not to tell and she has to keep it. She has to keep it because right now the Emma Swan sitting in front of her is no different to the one who pushed Regina and others away a year ago.

Emma frowns at Ruby's expression, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well you didn't seem to care all that much when she left. It's been a year Emma. A year and you did nothing to find her. I could never have done that is someone I loved had just disappeared. You wasted a year. You didn't even try to look for her, instead you went off to the Enchanted Forest. Forgive me for questioning your devotion to Regina," she says before walking away and leaving a scowling and confused Emma to her search.

* * *

(Present)

Ruby and Regina freeze as Lila continues to reach for her aunt. After a few tense moments Ruby reaches for the squirming toddler, "Hey Lila Bug"

Lila grins, "Ruby Wolf" she replies before pretending to howl. Ruby laughs, "Yeah Lila."

Emma watches the exchange with clenched fists. She takes several deep breaths telling herself not to lose it while a woman she once called her friend chats easily with her daughter. A daughter she never knew she had. A daughter she has to get to know yet Ruby already does.

She thinks about the distance between herself and Ruby over the years. She thinks of how Ruby was the only one to question her devotion to Regina and her search.

She thinks about the fact that Ruby obviously knew where Regina and Lila were for some time and chose not to tell her. Ruby knew how much Emma wanted to find her. She saw how Emma would pore over maps and records only to find nothing.

Emma thinks of weeks and months of hopelessness and desperation when the answer was apparently sitting behind the counter of Granny's. _I could have found her earlier. I could know my daughter. I could have made things better by now. _

"Aunty Ruby" she repeats coldly. "You watched me for months trying to track down Regina and this whole time you knew where she was. You knew about Lila. I have missed everything!" she shouts. "I missed her first steps! Her first words! I don't know her at all. I know _nothing_" she spits that last word out with bitter tears. "Yet you do. You could have given me a chance to have my family back and you took it away! How could you?!" She yells not caring who turns to watch the scene.

Regina scowls stepping in between them, "Ruby can you please go put Lila down for her nap?" There are things she needs to say to Emma and she doesn't want her daughter to hear. Her first priority is protecting Lila. Right now that means making sure her first memories of Emma are not ones of anger especially not anger directed towards one of the people she loves most.

Ruby nods quickly whisking the toddler away to the backroom where she had set up a small bed just in case. She tucks Lila in before kissing her on the forehead, "Have a good nap Lila Bug."

"I will Aunty Ruby." Lila replies with a smile before sitting up messing up her covers immediately. "Aunty Ruby why is Miss Emma mad at you?"

Ruby sighs, "Because I didn't tell her something important"

"Why not?"

"Because your Mommy asked me not to. I made a promise to your Mommy and I couldn't break it" she replies.

Lila nods, "Pwomises are forever" she says having been told that by her Mommy.

"That's right Lila. Now get some sleep. I'll be right outside if you need me" Ruby says.

"'Kay" Lila says before blowing her a kiss and snuggling beneath the covers on her makeshift bed. Ruby smiles blowing a kiss back before shutting the door and moving back to the counter making sure she can see the room at all times.

Regina waits for Ruby and Lila to go into the backroom before turning to Emma. "Don't blame Ruby" she says.

"Why not?!" Emma asks angrily, "She kept you two from me!"

"No she didn't!" Regina hisses back, "I did."

"What?"

"I made her promise not to tell because I couldn't bear what would happen if you found out."

"What would have been so terrible?" Emma asks, "We could have had a second chance."

"For what? For you to take Lila from me? For your mother to convince you that she, you and Henry would be better off without me?"

Emma scowls knowing that at the point of Regina leaving both of those could have happened. Hell, it did happen with Henry. She listened to her mother and they both lost Regina. She doesn't know if she would have fought her when it came to Lila. She hopes she would have but deep down she knows she wasn't strong enough. _I am now. _

"You don't know that would have happened. We could have been a family. Thanks to Ruby we weren't."

Regina frowns, "It is not Ruby's fault Emma. Do not blame her for what is between us. It is not her fault that I could not have faith in you to protect me and Lila. It is not her fault that I was so terrified of you taking her that I made her promise not to tell."

"You made her promise?"

Regina sighs, "I had to. She asked me if she should tell you. I told her no. I didn't want you to know where I was. I wasn't strong enough Emma and neither were you."

"You don't know that."

"But I do Emma because I know you. When I left you, you weren't strong enough to fight for me. You didn't even look for me until a year had passed. _A year! _Emma, a year. Had you disappeared I would have moved heaven and earth to find you. You waited a year which means you weren't ready to find me. It took you a year to fight for me. When I heard you went to the Enchanted Forest I was devastated. I burned those beans Emma. I did that because I knew your parents would railroad you into going there and I knew you would hate it. I knew it. I knew you couldn't be happy there. To learn that you had chosen misery over me only proved to me what I meant to you. I fail to believe that that changed in a year. You can't blame Ruby for that."

She pauses for breath before continuing, "Do not blame Ruby because you've missed out on Lila because it is not her fault. _I_ chose not to come back. _I_ chose not to tell you. _I_ told Ruby not to tell you. Those were my choices Emma and I own them. Own your choices Emma Swan but don't you dare blame Ruby for the wreckage of your own mistakes."

Emma steps back as if she had been hit. A tear rolls down her cheek, "You think I don't know I made mistakes?"

Regina sighs, "I know on some level you know but I also know that you're still blaming other people. You made your choices Emma. I made mine. You're mad at Ruby for not telling you but think about why I asked her not to tell. If you want to be mad, be mad at me, be mad at you. Don't take it out on Ruby."

Emma stands up suddenly. She can't be here. She wants to scream. She wants to punch something. She wants to tell Regina she's wrong and that she can be mad at whoever she wants. She can't. She can't but a voice in her head keeps repeating _she's right_. She can't look at Regina's expression, both haunted, angry and sad all at once. She remembers the way Regina used to look at her and her heart aches in her chest knowing she may not see that expression ever again.

She can't look at Regina's face and be reminded of all they've lost.

Emma listens as Regina speaks and tells her not to be mad at Ruby. She wants to badly to have someone else to blame. The fact that she knows she can't threatens to suffocate her. She needs to get out of here and think and maybe beat something up.

"I'll call you about Lila" she says before running out of the Diner. It's her choice and one she knows she won't regret. She can't be here and possibly make things worse. She doesn't want to say something rash that she doesn't mean and push Regina away further. So she runs leaving Henry and Regina alone.

* * *

(The Enchanted Forest – June 2013)

Henry sighs as he rest his arms on the cold stone window ledge of his new room. He turns around looking at the wide draughty room. The castle is not what he expected. He's not sure what he expected anymore. Looking around at the barren and chilly room he misses Storybrooke.

He has a four poster bed fit for a prince but it isn't his bed. It doesn't have the blue sheets his Mom bought him just because they were his favourite colour. It doesn't have the blanket she spent two months knitting for him when he was six. Even after he started seeing her as the evil queen he still clung to that blanket because it reminded him that she loved, loves, him.

The room is far bigger than his bedroom. It's bigger than anything he ever had in that tiny cramped apartment. It doesn't fit right though. It's too big. It isn't homey or filled with all the things that made his room his. None of his clocks. No swan night light to keep him safe. No collection of books and old toys.

No photo of him and his Mom on the nightstand.

His sigh deepens as she flops onto the bed and tries to picture his Mom's face. When Emma told her that she'd done he'd simply shrugged it off at first. After all he hadn't seen her in nearly a month and in the weeks preceding it he'd barely spoken to her.

He still thought she was the evil queen.

Then they came here to the enchanted forest and he began to miss home. What surprised him was that he didn't miss the apartment. Not even a little bit.

When he thought of home he thought of the room he and his Mom had wallpapered together and decorated over the years to fit his interests. He thought of warm cocoa shared in their living room as he played video games and she tried to keep up. He thought of a rich laugh at any of his jokes even the ones that were just toddler gibberish. He thought of her arms around him hugging him at any opportunity before ruffling his hair and kissing his forehead.

He thought of being called "My little prince" and a tickle of his chin.

When he thinks of home he doesn't think of the apartment but of the mother he rejected. A tear slips down his cheek as he lies on the bed and tries to imagine being back home with her.

He wishes more than anything that he could go back and see her one last time and tell her he was sorry, that he did love her. He wonders if it would have made her stay.

He's only twelve but he knows that he made her feel unwanted. He chose Emma. He left her to go live with his new family. He thought she was the evil queen and that she couldn't love him. He was so used to it being her and him. He spent a year being angry and betrayed at finding out he was adopted. Then Emma came along and suddenly he had another mother and grandparents too. It was new and exciting.

They were good where she was evil.

Only now he knows the truth – that good and evil are not as black and white as they seem. His Mom did a lot of evil stuff but he knows she loves him and that she can be good. He wonders where she is and hopes she's okay, that she's doing well.

_Wherever you are Mom I love you. I hope I get the chance to tell you in person. _

He wishes he had seen before, that he had understood that evil queen or not she was still his mother. She was still the woman who kissed his scraped knees and soothed away his nightmares.

He wanted so badly to come here and be a true prince. He wanted to ride horses and learn how to be a knight. He wanted to live in a castle with Emma and his grandparents. He wanted to live a fairytale and be a hero.

He wishes he had realised what those were like in reality. Fairytale life was not what the book showed. So far all he's seen is a devastated land that he cannot explore because it is far too dangerous for any of them. There are many people who he simply doesn't know where they ended up because they were not royalty. He's lucky, he realises, to live in a castle and not in some hut or shack somewhere struggling.

He never realised that some people were much better off in Storybrooke than here. He knows Ruby and Granny along with many others chose to stay. He also saw how his grandma treated them and heard how she talked about them. At the time he jumped on her bandwagon seeing them as almost traitors to their cause and as not one of them. He didn't try to understand.

Now he understands.

Now he would give anything to be a little prince again.

* * *

(Present)

Ruby comes over when Emma leaves, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Ruby" Regina replies. She isn't. She wants nothing more than to curl up in bed and cry over the things she's missed with Henry. She wants to cry over the pain she caused Emma and the pain she endured, still endures, over everything that went wrong between them.

She wants to cry because Emma still isn't owning up to her mistakes choosing instead to lash out at others. She wants to cry because when confronted Emma still ran.

"How's Lila?" she asks to distract herself.

Ruby smiles, "She's down for her nap. I'll go check on her." She moves to leave but Henry stops her, "Wait" he says and she turns surprised.

"Gonna yell at me too?" she asks slightly nervously.

Henry frowns, "No. I wanted to apologise. Emma shouldn't blame you and she shouldn't have yelled at you so I'm sorry."

"No need kid. Your mother has every right to be angry. So do you," Ruby says.

He nods, "I know but I'm not. I understand why you didn't tell. I don't think I would have told me either." He adds glumly and Regina frowns.

Ruby chews her lip, "It's okay Henry. I'm gonna go check on your sister."

As she leaves Regina looks to her son who is so unlike the moody angry kid she left behind. In his place sits a more grown up Henry, one who seems to be willing to understand a little more. She wants to believe in him. She does but still she holds back.

No matter what though she still loves him and she never wanted him to blame himself. Even when part of her was devastated by his rejection she never wanted him to blame himself.

"Henry" she begins but he cuts her off.

"No. I know there's a lot we need to say to each other Mom. I know there's a lot we no longer no about each other. I need to get to know you and you need to know me if you're ready for it but first I want to say something if that's okay?" he asks.

Regina nods anxiously, "Okay Henry." She doesn't know what to expect but for now she's willing to listen. She could have been gone ten years but he will always be her son. His last words to her before she left were ones of anger and hate. She'd like to be able to think of her son and not hear _I hate you. You're just an evil queen _when she does.

He folds his arms before speaking, "I can't speak for Ma. I can only speak for me. I'm not going to lie to you Mom and I don't want you to lie to me. I know this will be hard but I'm willing to try. I am. I know you might not believe that right now. I can't blame you if you don't."

Regina nods. She doesn't. Not just yet. Words are nice to hear but what if they're just words? She chews her lip before saying, "I want to believe you." Right now she needs more time. She needs to see that he wants to try. He's always been in her heart but she's not ready to welcome him into her arms again and just let him in her life again. She needs to know that it won't just be her trying only for him to push her away.

"I guess I'll just have to prove it to you then," Henry says.

Regina manages a small smile, "Are you still doing operations?"

"Not like I used to," Henry replies. "I tried to help Emma find you but I couldn't. I knew we'd only see you again if you wanted it. That isn't the point. What I wanted to say to you was that I can own my mistakes Mom. I was twelve but I still made them. I pushed you away and I shouldn't have done."

"Henry you were a kid."

"No, no excuses Mom. I was old enough to at least try and see who you were. You weren't just the evil queen. You never were. You were my Mom and my mistake was not seeing that before it was too late. I chose to leave you and live with Emma and Grandma and Grandpa. I can own that. That was my mistake and I wanted to say sorry. I know it's not much but I mean it and it's a start right?"

Regina smiles, "It's a start. Thank you Henry. I'm sorry I left you Henry. I wish I hadn't had to but I needed to. I don't know if you can understand that. I couldn't stay. There was no way. All I ever heard about was happy endings and mine fell apart."

"Did you ever get it back?" he asks.

"I have Lila." She says with a smile.

He smiles half-heartedly remembering how she used to say that he was her happy ending before everything fell apart. _Maybe one day I can be part of her happy ending again _he thinks hopefully. He'd like to be but he knows they're a long way away from that right now.

He doesn't want to waste another chance to make things right.

Regina reads his smile easily. She can tell what he's thinking. He's thinking that he can be part of her happy ending like he used to be. She wonders if it could be possible. He apologised and owned up to his mistake which was something she never expected. Especially not from Henry but then she never thought of him in terms of a mature fifteen year old and instead as that twelve year old boy from the past.

She wants to believe. She wants to hope that he can be part of her happy ending again. She just needs time. She needs time to see that he truly means it and that he does mean his words. She's heard too many words that turned out to be meaningless. She wishes she could trust in his words more. She wishes it with all her heart but right now all she can offer is a tentative smile.

She stands slowly and he does too. She gasps upon seeing that he actually towers over her. Regina doesn't move to hug him like she did in years past instead choosing to take in how her son looks now. She makes a note of all the little changes, of the traces of the little boy she raised still lingering in his growing form.

"You okay?" Henry asks.

"Just you've grown a lot." Regina replies.

He grins, "Growth spurt. I waited long enough. You look different too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You look good. Happier." He says. He means it. He's noticed that she let her hair grow out with a natural curly bounce. It's only been three years but he sees a difference. The Regina he saw before she left was sad and weighed down by the threat of a lost happy ending. Today upon seeing his mother he saw a stronger Regina. He saw someone who looked like the cheerful mother he had when he was younger. It was like seeing a ghost from the past. He was reminded what it was like to see her happy. He wishes again that he hadn't been part of the reason she lost that happiness.

Regina smiles, "Thank Henry."

She hears a cry from the back room. "I better get Lila and you better get home. I saw you don't live with Snow and Charming anymore?"

"No. We moved out a while ago."

He knows why she's asking. He knows what she fears. "They're in Storybrooke" he tells her as heads up. "They don't know you're back yet."

"Okay." She says trying to hide her nerves. She doesn't want to face Snow White again. Not after what happened last time.

_Next time - Snow finds out Regina's back and we find out where Emma went._

_Always happy to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Hi all, a shockingly quick update but I couldn't get this chapter out of my head so I had to write it sooner than I thought I would. Thank you for all your feedback so far. _

_To the guest who was worried about the narrative tone regarding Emma and potential hypocrisy re running away and not accepting blame, I just wanted to say that that was not my intention. I didn't write Regina as looking down on Emma. I wrote Regina as a woman still wary of Emma and who saw her running away as a sign that she hadn't changed. Hopefully this chapter will help show more of Emma's POV and why she ran from the Diner. _

_Apologies for any mistakes. Hope you enjoy this chapter :) _

(Storybrooke – January 2012)

"I thought I'd find you out here"

Emma turns at the sound of Regina's voice and gives the brunette a half-hearted smile. She came out here to Henry's castle just to think. She loves it hear. It reminds her of the old play areas she used to go to as a kid. Between that and the sound and sight of the waves this place is ideal for her. No matter what else is going on this spot always soothes her.

She keeps looking out at the stormy blue of the waves watching the rhythm of their rise and fall. She sucks in a deep breath enjoying the sea air. After being in the city for so long this fresh air was a shock. Now she can't imagine living without it.

It's an odd feeling for Emma, for her to feel this peace and serenity somewhere. She's never really had that before, not without it feeling so very lonely. Here in Storybrooke however she sits here and feels like she's finally home. She never wants to lose this feeling.

She smiles as she feels Regina sit down beside her, the brunette fussing for a moment before settling on the old worn wood. She knows Regina fears that one day this place will be destroyed by the weather. Henry loves it here. They all do. None of them want to lose their castle.

"You came looking for me" Emma says opening her eyes to look at her girlfriend.

Regina smiles, "Of course I did. You didn't show up to work. I was worried. I heard about your argument with Henry and I knew you'd come here."

"How did you know?"

"Because this is your thinking place," Regina replies.

"My thinking place?"

"Yes, the spot where you come and you think and you process. For you it's here because it keeps you centred and calm."

Emma smiles, "I love that you know me so well."

Regina smiles, "I love that you let me know you so well."

They haven't admitted that they love each other yet. They're getting closer to that point, saying it without saying it. They both fear what will happen when they eventually say those words out loud. For Regina she fears the curse will break and she will lose the glimpse of a happy ending she's clinging to.

For Emma she fears that upon hearing the words she will lose Regina. Everyone she's let herself love she has lost. They've either hurt her or left her. She fears that the same will happen again, that she will let herself love only for something to happen and for it to slip from her grasp once more.

"What was your fight with Henry about?" Regina asks.

"It was about my trip to Boston," Emma replies with a sigh. She went yesterday just to get the last box of stuff from her apartment and finalise the cancellation of her lease. She was only gone a day but she didn't tell Henry. She didn't tell him because she knew how he'd react. He would either want to come or it would rise up his fears about her being able to leave.

Both turned out to be true.

"He thinks I'm going to run and leave him," Emma adds sadly. "I can see why. I always end up running."

Regina frowns, "Not always. You've stayed here and you won't leave him."

"I know that. I just wish he knew that. I'm done running Regina. This is my home now Regina. I don't want to run from here or the people here. I left but I came back. Surely that must mean something to him?"

"It does Emma but he's only eleven. He needs time to realise that you aren't the woman who runs anymore and that just because you can leave doesn't mean you will. With each day you stay he knows that you won't go. So do I. I know you're not going to run."

How were either of them to know that just a few months down the line both of them would run?

* * *

(Present)

Emma runs on instinct to the old castle. It's long destroyed now like so many things. She sighs as she reaches the area and sees the space where their castle used to be. If she closes her eyes she can picture her old wooden refuge. It was a space of calm but also of so much happiness. They used to come here as a family to have picnics or just an afternoon together.

She was so happy then.

Back then life was what she wanted. She had a son and she had Regina. It was perfect. She wishes sometimes that she had taken Henry and Regina and left this town before it all fall apart. There's a lot Emma would change if she could go back.

Now she stares out at the choppy grey waves and thinks of what was, of what she lost.

Emma sits down on a log bench. In spite of the weather that destroyed the storm, the bench she and Regina used to sit on still stands. If she closes her eyes she can feel the warmth of Regina in her arms. Sitting here feels like sitting in a ghost scene.

She hasn't been here since Regina left.

Regina's return has brought up a lot of old memories. Now everywhere she looks she sees scenes from their past playing out before her, taunting her with what they once had.

She sighs as she continues looking out to the waves.

She knows what Regina will think. She'll think that Emma ran because of immaturity or because she was scared or because she hasn't changed.

But none of those things are true.

Emma ran because she didn't want it to get any worse. She's grown enough to recognise a bad situation and what was happening in the Diner was only going to end in one of two ways. One would be Regina getting hurt. The other would be the pair of them destroying each other. Either way Emma didn't want that.

She doesn't care if people see it as cowardly or immature. All she cares about is that she got out of there before either of them had the chance to hurt each other anymore.

She's just so conflicted right now.

She's mad but she doesn't know where to direct that anger. She's mad at Ruby for not telling her the truth. She's mad at herself for pushing Regina away. She's mad at Regina for running in the first place.

So much anger and that was what Emma felt threatening to consume her in the Diner and she could not let that happen. Henry has seen enough of their fighting, he's seen more days than she would like of the pair of them hurting each other. Her priorities right now need to be Henry and Lila. She doesn't want Henry to see them fight and throw blame around. She doesn't want the first memories her daughter has of her to be ones of hurt and anger.

So she ran. She ran to avoid escalating the situation and letting all that anger out. She'll let it out one day and soon but not in front of her kids. What she wants is to sit down with Regina and have them just hash it all out. For them to get it all out in the open. She doesn't want every meeting to turn into that lunch. She doesn't want every outing to become a fight.

If they're going to be a family like Emma wants, even if they aren't, they need to be able to talk without resentment boiling under the surface. They need to sit down and vent. It won't heal everything but Emma knows it will be a start. She still has hope they can fix things but she knows for that to happen they both need to want to fix it.

She knows Regina still doesn't trust her, that she blames her for pushing her away. But the thing is Emma blames herself for all those things to.

However, as much as she blames herself for pushing Regina away and listening to her mother rather than her gut, there's things she needs Regina to know. She needs Regina to know how much she missed her and how much pain losing her caused her. She needs Regina to know that whilst she may have pushed her away, that Regina still ran away and that that hurt her and Henry. She needs to vent about how she didn't just lose her true love but her best friend. She needs to vent about her anger about not knowing Lila and missing her first years too. Emma has a lot of anger, resentment and pain. She knows Regina does too.

What Emma wants more than anything is for them to move forward, for them to start again, to get to know each other and maybe, just maybe, one day be together again.

She knows if that is ever going to happen then they need to clear the air and they need to not do it in front of their children. Some things are not meant for the public eye. Her and Regina sitting down and getting it all out is something that is for them. It is not a topic for gossip or for others to interfere in. For Emma, this discussion is just theirs.

She wants a mediator there, someone like Archie who can make sure they stay peaceful and civil. She doesn't want it to just descend into "she did this" and "she did that" but she wants them to have a proper discussion wherein they just get all these issues out in the open. They won't be dealt with instantly but she wants them at least to be out there not just boiling under the surface until they explode.

She turned a blind eye to Regina's pain and suffering before and it blew up massively. It cost her Regina. It cost Henry his mother. She missed the first years of her daughter's life. Ignorance is decidedly not bliss. Ignorance and secrecy destroyed everything.

It's why this time round Emma won't let that happen again. She wants them to be able to talk. She wants to know about the last three years for Regina and Lila. At this point she'll take anything Regina is willing to share. She just hopes Regina will agree to one big clear out conversation where they start to deal with their issues, if not for them then for their family. Even if they don't end up together again their children need them to not be at each other's throats all the time.

Emma sighs again staring back out at the water that normally soothes her so. Today its raging waters seems to complement her battling thoughts perfectly.

She can't calm her thoughts today.

She thinks about Lila. Emma never doubted that Regina was a good mother and seeing Lila just reminded her of that. Lila is a happy and lovely little girl and Emma looks forward to getting to know her. The second she saw Lila she knew she was hers, hers and Regina's. It was all in her eyes, they're Emma's eyes. Now she just wants to soak up every moment and learn everything she can about the daughter she's missed too much of already. She wants to be Lila's mother and she wants Lila to see her as more than someone who brings that haunted sorrowful look to Regina's eyes.

She thinks about Henry and how he must be doing. He seemed okay at lunch, quiet but okay. She knows how much he has missed Regina and how much Regina has missed of him. They are in a similar position to her and Lila, parent and child yet strangers. She's still not sure if he's forgiven Regina for leaving, she's not sure if she has, even if he hasn't she hopes they can rebuild their relationship.

She thinks about Regina. She doesn't know what to think about Regina. Emma still loves her. She loves her so much and part of her yearned to just take Regina in her arms and pretend they could pick up where they left off. She knows they can't. They can't because there's so much past between them and so much lost time. She isn't the same woman Regina left behind much as Regina is not the same woman who left three years ago. They need to get to know each other again. Emma just hopes that for Regina that love still remains. It does for her even though she knows they are not ready to act upon it. She won't. Not until Regina is ready. Emma knows it's a long road ahead. They need to know each other. They need to prove they can trust each other and be mothers to their children without ripping each other to pieces.

Her mind drifts finally to her family. Her parents are back in Storybrooke too and whilst they see each other things have been strained ever since Emma chose to leave the Enchanted Forest. For Emma, whilst she has patched things up with her father who has admitted that they were wrong to be so heavy handed about her relationship with Regina and the Enchanted Forest, with Snow things are still awkward. Her mother won't admit that she made a mistake in forcing Emma along. She just acts like things should be okay without realising how she made Emma feel. Sometimes, Emma still feels as if she isn't enough for Snow. She knows she has to tell them but she has no idea how they'll react especially to the revelation about Lila.

She fears that Regina will be right and that Snow will want to her try and take Lila away from Regina and bring her to live with Emma. However, Emma knows she would never do that. One look at Lila and you can see that she is a cherished and adored little girl. Regina has raised her well and clearly with love. Emma would never take Lila away from the only mother and life she's ever known and she won't let anyone else either.

That is the one thing she knows for certain.

* * *

(Storybrooke – April 2013)

Regina hasn't seen Emma in days. She saw her about a week ago but Emma was distant. There was clearly something on her mind but whatever it was she wasn't sharing. That hurt. It hurt her so deeply because Regina used to be the person who Emma shared everything with even if it was just some incidental thing like that she didn't like the new brand of peanut butter Mary Margaret had bought. Now she just gets shut out.

Regina sighs staring at her lunch for one. She doesn't feel hungry yet she has to eat. She has to eat because of the baby. A baby she didn't know she was having until two weeks ago. A baby she knows without a doubt is Emma's, probably conceived around the time Emma returned from the Enchanted Forest.

A time when they were just happy to see each other. A time when those two weeks apart were agony. Now, Emma flits in and out of her life and all Regina can do is miss her and wonder when she will see the blonde again.

A knock on her door startles her. She rarely gets visitors anymore.

She gets up slowly not bothering to put on a pretence for her surprise guest. Why put on a brave face when no-one cares anyway?

She's nothing to the people in this town. Even to her family she is just an incidental outsider who they occasionally remember to check in on.

Regina looks at the mirror making sure her hair is tidy. Whilst she sees no point in putting on a queen façade she won't open the door looking as dishevelled as she feels. She peers through her peephole and tries to suppress a groan upon seeing Snow White. For Emma and Henry she has tried to make amends with Snow. She has tried to be civil and be a part of their family but the other woman simply will not have it. All Snow does is try and steer Emma towards Neal and a life in the Enchanted Forest. She doesn't care that Regina loves her daughter. To Snow she is the evil queen and she won't change.

Some days Regina wants to kick and scream over the injustice of it. They moan and complain about how she never changes and yet when she tries they refuse to believe it. She simply cannot win. _No-one's winning here _she thinks bitterly.

She pulls open the door, "Snow" she says evenly in greeting. She won't pretend to muster up warmth for a woman who openly still hates and distrusts her.

"Regina can we talk?" Snow asks. There's no preamble. Snow simply wants to say her piece and go. Regina, too is grateful for she is no mood for small talk. She needs to think about her baby and what she's going to do.

Regina sighs before gesturing for her to come in, "Fine"

She sits down at the table and waits for the other woman to take a seat. "Tea?" she asks but Snow shakes her head, "I won't be here long."

_Thank god for that_ Regina thinks. She rests one hand subconsciously on her currently flat belly before taking it off lest Snow notice. She doesn't want Snow to know. She fears what Snow will suggest. Her greatest fear of all is that Snow will take this baby from her.

"What can I do for you Snow?"

"I want you to stop getting in the way of Emma's happy ending."

Regina rears back angered and hurt, "What?" she asks. She can barely restrain her rage, feeling her hands curl into fists below the table. Who is Snow to tell her to stop getting in the way of Emma's happy ending when she and Emma are meant to be each other's?

"You heard me," Snow says.

"I'm hoping I was wrong," Regina replies icily. She and Emma broke the curse. They're meant to be happy together. _But you're not_ a voice in Regina's head reminds her. Neither one of them are and she can't help but wonder if maybe she is stopping Emma from being happy.

"You didn't. Regina I'm her mother and I want her to be happy. Do you really think her happiness is with _you_? Do you think anyone's is? You're the evil queen" Snow reminds her, "Even you told me your heart was blackened and that the woman who saved me was long gone so how can you expect me to believe that you can make my daughter happy?"

"What about Henry?"

"What about him? _Emma_ is his mother. When was the last time you even saw him?"

Tears brim in her eyes at Snow's cruel reminder of her son's rejection but she won't let them fall in front of the other woman.

"Emma and I broke the curse" Regina reminds Snow and Snow scoffs.

"Yes you did and have you made her happy since then?" Snow asks pointedly and Regina frowns. She thinks over the last few months and how she and Emma never really got the chance to be happy after the curse broke. They've had a few shining moments but otherwise they've been apart. She stays silent and Snow continues, "Neal is back now Regina and I know Emma and Henry can be happy. They can be a family together. The only thing in the way is you and we both know they'll be better off without you."

With that Snow leaves leaving Regina to sit at the table and mull over Snow's words. She believed she was Emma's happy ending. Henry is her son. Emma is her true love.

And yet none of them are happy.

She can't help but wonder if maybe Snow was right, if maybe all of their happy ending is not together after all.

* * *

(Present)

Emma pauses at the apartment door taking a deep breath to calm her nerves before knocking. She's grateful when it's her father who opens the door and not Snow.

"Hey" she says.

Charming takes in his daughter's expression, a mix of guilt, sadness, anger and pulls her in for a hug. He may not know what's going on but Emma needs to know he's here for her. She melts into the embrace. She feels herself calm down as he holds her until she pulls away.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"Is Snow around?"

He nods leading her round to the kitchen where Snow sits. "Emma! This is a nice surprise."

Emma smiles nervously before sitting down, "Okay. I need to tell you something really important. Please don't freak out."

Charming smiles, "Whatever it is Emma you know we have your back."

She grins before just jumping in, "Regina's back."

Charming gasps and they both jump as they hear Snow's mug smash to the ground as she pales. "Regina's back. For the love of god why?" she asks.

Charming frowns at her before looking at Emma, "How are you?"

"I don't know," she says in reply to his question, "I don't know what to do."

Snow scoffs, "Why do you need to do anything? She left you. Stay away from her."

Emma frowns, "I can't. I have something else to tell you. Regina didn't come back alone. She has a daughter, my daughter."

At that Snow's expression changes, "And she kept her from you?"

Emma nods, "Yes."

She can't read her mother's expression but still it makes her feel uneasy. She can't help but feel like Snow knows more about Regina's disappearance than she's letting on. She also reaches Snow would say something and give her some idea of what she's thinking right now. Instead her mother frowns, a determined expression settling on her face, "If you'll excuse me."

"Snow where are you going?" Charming asks.

"Don't worry. I just need to think." She says walking out of the door. Emma and Charming share a worried look knowing that she's going to be doing a lot more than that. They just wish they knew what.

"What do you think she's going to do?" Emma asks worriedly.

Charming frowns, "I don't know. I just hope it isn't anything rash. How are you feeling?"

Emma sighs again, "I wish I knew. I wish Mom still wasn't so anti-Regina. She changed Dad. She really did and I should have given her a chance."

Charming smiles sympathetically, "I know Emma but there's a lot of things we all should have done. We should never have made you come to the Enchanted Forest. We should have been more supportive of you and Regina. There's always a lot in our past we wish we could change Emma but we can't. All you can do is do better this time. If you want to that is."

Emma smiles, "I want to. I still love her Dad. I don't think I ever really stopped but I'm still so, so angry and hurt and I need to sort that out first. Right now Lila and Henry are my priorities."

"Lila? Is that her name?" Charming asks, his eyes welling up as he tries to picture his new granddaughter.

Emma smiles, "Yeah. It was my idea. I can't believe she picked the name we chose together."

Charming smiles, "I think even though you were apart Regina still wanted her to be both of yours. Focus on your children Emma but don't forget about yourself. You need to tell her how she feels and no matter what happens you know I'll be here."

Emma nods thankful for his support, "Thanks Dad."

He hugs her again but this time it's interrupted by Emma's ringing cell phone. Emma frowns seeing Ruby's name on the screen.

"Sheriff Swan" she answers.

"Emma" Ruby says from the other side of the line, "You need to get down to Granny's now."

_Thanks for reading :) _


	7. Chapter 7

_Hi all, sorry for the wait but I finally finished my English Dissertation which means I only have two essays done before I am finished with uni, which means quicker updates :) Thank you for all the reviews to the last chapter. To the people wondering why Emma and Charming didn't think to go after Snow that will be brought up this chapter. Apologies for any mistakes and I hope you like it :) _

(The Enchanted Forest – December 2013)

Emma scuffs the floor beneath her feet and sighs. Why did she think coming to the Enchanted Forest would ever be a good idea? She's been regretting her decision for a long time. She wishes she could work up the courage to leave. Every time she decides to talk to her mother about her unhappiness here Snow simply gushes about how wonderful it is for them all to be together. All that does is make Emma feel guiltier for not being happy.

She knows why she came here.

She came here because she thought she could be happy. She knew it would make her mother happy and then maybe, maybe here she would be enough.

Except apparently she isn't. Apparently she doesn't dress the way a princess should or behave the way they should. Her father doesn't care. He's happy for his daughter to cling to her Storybrooke clothes because he knows they make her comfortable. He knows that whilst he would have loved to have raised her as one Emma is not a princess. He'd rather teach her to swordfight with Henry than force her to go to a dance lesson.

Snow, on the other hand has her own idea on what Emma should be doing in this new realm. She keeps talking about celebratory balls and inviting Neal so the pair can dance. She completely misses the fact that Emma doesn't feel like celebrating.

Emma just wants to go home because whatever this place, this castle, this land, is it isn't home.

"What's wrong?" Snow asks seating herself beside her daughter. Even the way she sits is different, Emma has noticed. She doesn't just sit down but instead has to lower herself gracefully down in a manner befitting a queen. Emma never wanted this kind of life, a life where everything had a rule and a way just because she was born a princess.

Emma frowns before looking at her mother, "This isn't what I wanted."

"What?" Snow asks.

"This" Emma says gesturing to the room, "This life. This living in a palace and being a princess. This isn't me Snow. I wish it was. For your sake I wish I could be whatever it is you want me to be. I know you wish you had raised me as a princess but you didn't. I'm not a princess Snow and I don't belong here."

Snow frowns, "Of course you do. Emma this is your home now."

People used to say that all the time to her in the foster system. With each new home she'd be told those exact words. They never made it true.

"It isn't Snow."

"Emma your home is with us, with your family. We all wanted to come here. We all wanted this, a fresh start." Snow says exasperatedly.

"Did we?" Emma questions, "A lot of people came here Snow but did they want to or did they feel they had to?"

"Why would they feel they had to?" Snow asks.

_Because of you_ Emma thinks sadly though she can never say those words aloud. Her mother is Snow White after all. She's good. She's a good leader and a fair princess and so how could Emma go against all that impression by saying she felt forced to come back as so many others did? When someone tells you that you're either with them or against them, it's easier sometimes to be with them than face the consequences of being against them. Emma's heard how her mother talks about those who chose to remain in Storybrooke. She wishes now she had stood up for her friends when she had the chance. She wishes she had fought to stay.

If only wishes could change anything.

For Emma they can't. Emma lost the love of her life. She's lost her friends. Her son spends his time trying to fit in and wishing to go back home. She lost her best friend Mary Margaret and now no matter what she does it doesn't feel enough for the mother who replaced her. She lost her home.

She knows why she isn't happy here.

At least in Storybrooke she was in the same realm as Regina and there was hope that she could one day find her. She knows Regina would never come back to this land. Here there is no hope.

"Snow I just, I'm not happy here. This land, it isn't what I wanted."

"You're not thinking about leaving us are you?" Snow asks in a hurt voice and Emma frowns guiltily.

"I, look Snow here's the thing, I don't know how much longer I can stay here and pretend I'm happy when I'm not. I can't pretend I want to be here when I don't."

Snow places her hand on Emma's shoulder, "Just give it a chance Emma. You haven't been here that long. Trust me you can be happy here."

_How? _Emma thinks as she nods with a small frown.

* * *

(Present)

Emma sighs running her hand over her face as she hangs up the phone. She may not have stood up to her mother enough in the past but if her mother has done or is doing what she thinks she's done then there will be nothing stopping her this time. Part of hopes she's wrong. Part of her hopes that whatever is happening down at the Diner is just some random thing that needs her attention as Sheriff. Her instinct tells her it isn't.

"Something wrong?" Charming asks noticing his daughter's expression torn somewhere between anger and worry.

"Ruby says I need to get down to the Diner. Something's wrong and well I think we both know who's behind it."

"You think she went after Regina and Lila," he replies with a sigh.

"Don't you?"

He frowns before nodding. He wishes it were easier to defend her or say it isn't Snow. However he knows that Snow would do that. "Unfortunately I do."

Emma frown sympathetically, "I'm sorry Dad."

"It's okay Emma, if she's doing that then you have to."

"Urgh why didn't we just go after her as soon as she left?" Emma asks as she and Charming move out of the apartment and hurry over to Granny's to try and stop Snow.

"Because we had faith Emma. In our family we have a lot of faith. Even if you don't realise it, you still want to believe in her, to believe that your mother wouldn't hurt the ones you love."

"I hoped she wouldn't." Emma says, "But clearly that was naïve because when does she think about what I want? She didn't even stick around to find how I felt. She just went to do what she wanted. It's just like the Enchanted Forest Dad. It's just like before."

Charming sighs, "I know Emma but your mother, you have to understand that she has this vision in her head of what our family is like and what we're supposed to be doing. She has this vision of our happy ending. Sometimes it's hard for her to realise that our reality isn't like that."

"I know it's hard. Believe me Dad I know that it is hard. I let myself get swept up in her dream and I tried to please her but I can't. All I ever wanted was parents to love and care about me. I do. And I know that I am enough for you. I know that you love and accept me no matter what. Mom? I know she loves me but every time she looks at me I can't help but feel like she's wishing I was something else. I know what it's like to have your reality be much different to the happy ending you were expecting. Let's just do this." She says pushing through and into the Diner.

She wishes the sight before her was a shock.

Snow is trying desperately to hold onto a screaming and crying Lila who's reaching for Regina. Regina is trying to get her daughter back only to have Snow walk away and yell at her. Ruby is guarding the door trying to stop her from leaving. Henry is guarding the back.

"Thank god you're here," Ruby says, "Or did you put her up to this?"

Emma frowns before turning to her, "Trust me Ruby. I did not put her up to this. Do you think I want one of the first memories my daughter has of me and her grandparents is this one?"

"Sorry," Ruby says, "I just, I can't believe her."

"I wish I couldn't," Emma replies before walking over to the scene.

"Ah Emma thank god!" Snow cries indignantly, "here" she says holding out Lila like some kind of prize, "Take your daughter."

Emma takes the sobbing child out of her mother's arms and quickly hands her back to a crying and relieved Regina. "Thank you" Regina mouths checking over her daughter.

"It's okay now Lila Bug," Regina whispers rocking Lila to try and calm down. She keeps a close eye on Snow just in case. She couldn't believe it at first. She was sitting there talking to Ruby and suddenly just like that her baby was plucked from her arms. Her worst nightmare was coming true. _It's over. She's here. She's safe. _She reminds herself of these things by snuggling the baby tightly in her arms. The difference between her nightmare and the reality is that it wasn't just her trying to stop Snow. Henry and Ruby blocked the doors keeping Lila and Snow here. The people in the diner weren't supportive but utterly horrified by the actions of someone they thought was good. Regina could barely focus on any of that until now. In those horrible moments all she cared about was trying to get her daughter back without Lila getting hurt.

"Is she okay?" Emma asks placing a hand tentatively on her daughter's back.

"She will be," Regina says as she feels the toddler begin to calm down in her mother's arms.

Emma nods before turning to her shocked mother. At the moment all she can feel is relief that she was able to stop Snow before she took Lila away. She is relieved that Lila is back with her mother and safe. Now that relief is coloured with anger. Anger that her mother threatened to tug her child away from the only home she had ever known.

"Emma what are you doing?" Snow asks with a shocked and confused frown. Her husband does not go to her side. Instead he looks at Regina trying to catch a glimpse of his new grandchild. When he does look at Snow it's with shame. Given what they know about their daughter's past he can't believe she would think that Emma would want to snatch Lila away from Regina. He knows that in some ways they did that with Henry. Rather than encouraging him to connect with his adoptive mother they encouraged his resistance to her. Now Charming knows this was a mistake. He knew it every moment he saw Henry and could tell instantly that all his grandson wanted was to have both his mothers back.

"What am I doing?" Emma asks, "What are you doing?"

"Bringing Lila to the home she belongs to. Come on Emma, would you want her to keep your child? You're Lila's mother Emma. She belongs with us."

"No," Emma says. "No Snow she doesn't. She's a person. A child Snow. Stop talking about her like some prize object you can lay claim to. Lila is not just my child. She's Regina's and I am not the parent that Lila knows. Regina is the only home Lila has ever known. And yes, I want Regina to keep Lila. Look at Lila Snow. She's happy and she's clearly well-loved and looked after. Why would I ever want to take her away from that? You may not believe it Snow but Regina is a fantastic mother. Look at Henry. Look at Lila. They are amazing children. Regina loves Lila and Henry Snow and I would never keep our kids from her. Not again," she adds the last part sadly remembering how instead of trying to get him to talk to and understand Regina, she simply kept him close pleased to be able to spend time with him.

"Emma you're her mother. I thought you would have wanted to have her."

Emma's frown only deepens, "That's the thing Snow. You didn't stop to think about what I wanted. You just assumed you did according to what you want or what you want me to want. You didn't ask me how I felt about Regina coming back or about Lila. You didn't ask me how I wanted to go forward. You just went out and did this."

"Emma you keep acting like I did something terrible."

"You did!" Emma cries in exasperation, "Why on earth would you think I would want this? I would never want to take Lila away from the only home she's ever known and if you knew me you would know that. Snow how can you not see that what you just tried to do was so incredibly wrong?!"

"Because Lila's yours too."

"Yes, she's my kid. Mine. Not yours Snow. That means it's up to me to decide how I go forward. It is up to Regina if I see Lila. We are her mothers Snow, not you. That means we decide where she lives and who she sees. For the record you won't be seeing her again anytime soon."

"Emma. I'm her grandmother!"

"No you aren't. To Lila, you are the woman who just tried to steal her away from the only mother she has ever known. I can't believe you would I think I would want this. I want a chance to get to know my daughter but I don't want her first memories of me, of our family to be ones of anger and pain. Thanks to you Lila's first memory of you is a truly horrible one. Thanks to you Lila's first memory of you is the same one I have of every social worker who came to take me away from a home. Snow you can try and kid yourself into thinking you did the right thing but you didn't. You can try and say you did this for me but I didn't want this and you didn't stop to ask. Don't defend yourselves here. You can think about it in a cell," Emma pauses before moving to handcuff her mother, "Mary Margaret Blanchard you under arrest for attempted kidnapping."

"You can't be serious Emma."

"You tried to snatch my child away from her mother. Damn straight I can."

"Why not arrest Regina? She took Lila in the first place?!" Snow cries indignantly.

"Regina is Lila's mother! I'm upset that I never got to meet Lila and I will never get those years back but Regina is her mother. You aren't. To Lila you're just a strange scary woman trying to rip her away from her Mommy. Dad can you please take her?"

He nods, "Sure thing Emma. I'll process her for you."

"You're just going to let her do this?" Snow asks.

"Yes," Charming replies, "Snow what about she said was wrong? You tried to steal Lila away from Regina. That was just wrong. I can't support that decision Snow. I want to get to know Lila if and when Regina is okay with that but you cannot steal her away from her life." He nods to Regina before looking at Lila, "Regina. I can tell you love her" he says before guiding Snow out of the door and down to the Sheriff's station.

As he leaves Emma turns back to Lila and Regina, "Is she okay?" she asks looking at the little girl nestled in Regina's arms.

Regina nods, "She's alright. Aren't you Boo bear?"

At the nickname her little girl smiles before turning shyly to Emma, "Tank you for giving me back to Mommy."

"Anytime," Emma says ruffling Lila's mess of dark curls before looking up at Regina, "I meant what I said. I would never take her."

Regina nods, "So you don't think I'm a bad mother?"

"I never did," Emma says.

"You're the best Mommy ever," Lila adds.

* * *

(Boston – March 2014)

"Please Lila, please stop crying," Regina pleads bouncing her sobbing toddler gently to try and soothe her wails. Regina feels like crying herself. It seems like nothing she can do will soothe her baby girl. She knows it's not her. She knows it's the colic and yet she can't help but remember the first time this happened.

Henry would not stop crying. He would for everyone else. She tried everything. She tried every trick she had read in a book. She took everyone's advice and yet all he did was sob. His wails broke her heart. What broke it more was the fact that nothing she could do would soothe him. Every touch only seemed to make him cry more.

For those first few days all she could hear were his cries and a voice telling her that maybe she really wasn't cut out to be a Mom, that maybe after the examples she had she just wasn't able to be a parent. Her mother after all was no example to follow, though looking back Regina still fears that she allowed herself to become far too much like the woman who still sometimes haunts her nightmares. Her father loved her but he could not or would not fight for her and she didn't want to be that kind of parent. She wanted to be a mother who would fight for her child no matter what. Now, Regina thinks about with a heavy heart knowing that she left Henry. She stopped fighting for Emma and Henry because it just hurt too damn much to keep fighting and be hurt.

_Maybe I'm just not a good mother _she thinks as a tear rolls down her cheek and Lila's wails pierce the air.

"I know boo bear. I know it hurts sweetheart. I know. I'm so sorry. Ssh," she babbles as she rubs circles on the baby's back in a desperate attempt to calm her down.

Most days she knows she's a good mother. She knows it in Lila's smile and the photos she has from Henry's youth. She has a lot of happy memories that tell her she was not a terrible mother. She takes a deep breath and remembers.

_Henry looks up at her with a gummy smile before frowning in concentration. He lifts his hand, points and says "Mama" with a clarity that makes her heart soar. _

_She sits a few feet away with Henry holding out one of his favourite stuffed animals. "Come on Henry. Come to Mama," she encourages grinning as her little one smiles at her before slowly toddling over to her. _

_She pictures Henry riding his bike with a proud excited smile as she filmed him. If she concentrates hard enough she can still feel his palm slapping against hers in an enthusiastic high five as he whizzed around the garden. _

_She has so many memories of his hugs, of how his arms would try to wrap around her like hers wrapped around him. She would always hug with everything she had, one because she couldn't envision letting go, two because she loved him and just wanted to show him that with everything she has. _

_Lila stares up at her from her crib kicking her legs. Regina smiles at her baby before tickling her stomach. Lila kicks her legs as always but this time she smiles. She smiles and Regina's heart catches in her chest at the beautiful smile directed straight at her._

Regina feels herself calm down as she thinks of those memories. She can still hear Lila sobbing in her ear and it still breaks her heart but she knows, she knows deep down that she can be a mother, that she is a mother. _You can do this Regina_.

She never imagined that she would be doing this alone again. She always pictured being here with Emma, the pair of them staying up and soothing their daughter. She never pictured doing this alone again.

Then again there's a lot of things she never pictured about her future. She didn't think her happy ending with them would slip away but it did. She has to cope with that and she knows she can. It hurts. It hurts so much sometimes to be here and know that Emma should be here too but she has to keep going. Lila is her focus now, her happy ending and she can do this.

She sits down with Lila before reaching for a scrapbook, "Okay Lila Bug. How about I tell you a story? It's not finished yet, well at least I hope it isn't because I don't this to be how the story ends. Sometimes in every story Lila there are bumps but one day there'll be a happy ending trust me, you and me Lila we're going to make it."

She smiles as she feels her baby shift but begin to quiet down. "Once upon a time there was a queen and a saviour. This is their story…."

* * *

(Present)

"You know she really was," Henry says startling Emma from the report she had to file on her mother, "She really was, I mean is a good Mom."

Emma smiles, "I know kid. I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"When Regina was still here I never encouraged you not to see her, but I didn't encourage you to see her and that was wrong of me. You were eleven and you were angry I know. At the time I think I was just so happy that you wanted me. Before you, no-one ever really wanted me ya know and so I revelled in you wanting to spend time with me. I was selfish Henry. I didn't stand up for your Mom the way I should have and I didn't encourage you to understand her. I should have done."

Henry nods, "It's okay Mom. Look you can't blame yourself for what happened between me and Mom. All of you could have encouraged me but at the end of the day it was up to me if I wanted to see her and I let her go. I forgot about all the good stuff under a layer of bad."

"It's easy to only see one side of things," Emma says with a frown. "Do you ever wish we could go back in time and do things over?"

Henry smiles sadly, "All the time."

"Me too," Emma says, "I spent a long time not standing up for your Mom. I didn't encourage Snow but I didn't stop her either. I can't blame Snow for my mistakes though. She may have been hurtful but I should have stood up for her. I should have fought a lot harder for Regina when it mattered. I can fight now kid but I still didn't do it when she was in so much pain. I really just wanted to be what your grandma wanted."

Henry nods, "I know Mom. I think we all messed up, Mom, other Mom too. All of us messed up but at least we can do better this time. I'm sorry you had to arrest your mother though."

"Me too kid, but she threatened my family. As much as it hurt to do I had to. I think that now Regina's back we're all facing our consequences Henry. We're all facing the aftermath of what we did and Snow, she tried to take Lila away. I need her to realise that she can't do that."

Henry nods in understanding, "I get that. I just know it must have really sucked. I know what it's like to have this image in your head of your mom for ages and then have it not turn out the way you thought. For me it was my Mom turning out to be the evil queen. For you it was your Mom being like this. Trust me beneath that bad she's still your Mom."

"It's different Henry. You grew up with Regina. You always knew she loved you and that for her you were enough. For me I'm never quite sure."

"For a while I thought mine didn't love me. I wish I had realised she always did but I know now that she always did even if she didn't always know how to show it. I know things are different and I'm not saying you should forgive Grandma for what she did because it was horrible, you should have heard some of the things she said Mom. It was horrible. She kept going on about how she was a terrible mother and that she didn't deserve to have her kids. I know she loves you though Mom even if she doesn't know how to show it."

"When did you get so smart?" Emma says with a watery smile. She knows her mother loves her. She just wishes she could always know that. She wishes her mother could love her but still ask her what she wants. She wishes she was enough. She wishes she had stopped her mother from hurting Regina before it was too late.

Henry smiles, "I've always been smart."

Emma smiles, "I know."

They both look up at a knock on the door. The pair share a confused look before Emma goes up to the door. She opens it smiling when she sees Regina and Lila.

"Hey, I hope you don't mind us dropping by."

"No, not at all," Emma says, "Do you want to come in?"

"Oh we won't be here long. Lila wanted to give you something," Regina says smiling at her daughter. At her name Lila brightens up before handing over the slightly crumpled piece of paper in her hand. On it are a few coloured scribbles. "It's a wainbow," Lila tells her and Emma grins tears springing to her eyes.

"I love it Lila. Thank you."

Lila smiles at Emma before burrowing shyly into Regina.

"I wanted to say thank you too," Regina says, "I mean it. You stood up for me and that means something to me Emma. Thank you."

"I meant every word and I'm sorry that I never did it sooner," Emma says. "I have something I want to run by you."

"Okay."

"I want to clear the air with you. Every time we meet there's so much lingering between us. We both have a lot of things we need to say to each other. Things that make us mad. Things that hurt. And I know that our priority is Henry and Lila and for them I want us to have a big talk where we sit down with a mediator and try to get everything out on the table."

Regina smiles with a hint of sadness, "It's going to take more than one talk."

"I know Regina. But one talk is a start right?"

Regina nods, "It's a start."

_Thanks for reading :) _


	8. Chapter 8

_Hi again, thank you all so much for your reviews so far :) I love getting your feedback on this fic and I hope you like this chapter :)_

_I was going to do one big session where they discuss everything but I realised quite quickly that wasn't going to work so I'm thinking there'll be sessions spread throughout later chapters because I think there's just too much between them to tackle in one session. So this is their first session. _

(Present)

Regina stands outside Archie's door with an anxious expression. She's been here countless times before and yet the door looms larger today. It's a talk that needs to be had and that terrifies her. It scares her because it means opening up so many old wounds for both her and Emma in the hopes that somehow they can be fixed.

Regina's not even sure they can be. She's spent so long trying to forget, trying to pretend all that pain doesn't exist except she couldn't because it was and always will be a part of her. She wonders if Emma even realises just why she left. She wonders about the three years she was gone and how Emma coped.

She has so many questions and Regina isn't too sure she'll like the answers. She doesn't think either one of them will and yet the answers need to come out. This is just one conversation but it's a start. It's a way of beginning to move on and find closure that neither of them have ever had. There's so much between them that is left unsaid and Regina felt it in the Diner. She felt how that past weighed them down and would only cause more hurt.

As painful as this will be Regina knows they need to have this conversation not just for their children but for them. It will protect Lila and Henry because they won't have their mothers at war all the time but Regina knows this is more for her and Emma than anyone else. She understands that this is a way for them both to try and heal.

Emma sits inside the couch smiling nervously at Archie. She hasn't said much beyond 'hello' to him. She's waiting for Regina. She frowns looking up at the clock. Regina's late. She's never late or she never used to be. Emma supposes she doesn't know now. Regina is Regina but not Regina all at once. She's the woman Emma knew but also someone new who Emma would like to know but understands she can't until they reconcile their past.

If they can.

Emma hopes they can. There's a lot they need to discuss. There's a lot Emma wants Regina to know and a lot she needs to know. Emma has so many questions and she needs to start finding the answers if Regina will give them to her. Emma hopes Regina will because right now what Emma wants more than anything is to understand.

On one level she does. She knows that she pushed Regina away and made her feel unloved but she needs to understand what pushed her over the edge, what one moment it was that made Regina stop fighting and run instead. Emma needs to know so she can try and fix things.

She knows as much as she needs answer so does Regina. They both need to know how each other coped with being apart and about the time they missed. They need to learn each other all over again and Emma wants so badly to do that, but first she knows that in order to get there they need to understand where it all went wrong.

They were happy once and Emma truly believes with all her heart that they can be again but certainly not now. Not the way things are. She knows now that two people weighed down by their past can't truly be happy because those ghosts will linger in the spaces between words until all that's left is pain. She doesn't want them to pretend they're okay and end up right back where they were three years ago when Regina left.

* * *

(Storybrooke – March 2013)

"Emma where are you?" Regina asks aloud as she stares at her empty dinner table. Emma said she and Henry were coming for dinner. That offer of dinner is what's kept Regina going all day. Most days just the possibility of seeing Emma and Henry is all she has to make her get up and go about her day. Lord knows she has no other reason right now. The town despises her. No-one gives her the time of day. All she does is sit here in this house and hope that Emma or Henry come by.

Most days they don't.

Today though Emma promised. She promised they would be here and that they could talk. Regina went all out. She cooked Emma's favourite meal and even baked chocolate fudge cake for Henry. She set a table. She set out drinks. It all looks perfect.

Except for the fact that it's an hour later than Emma said they would turn up and she's all alone.

She looks at her phone to see if Emma sent her a message to explain but her phone is blank. She's not sure why she expected an explanation.

Right now she doesn't know why she expects anything from Emma.

They never speak. They rarely see each other. Emma promises to come by but then doesn't. Sometimes she gets given an excuse. Most days she doesn't. When do they talk it's brief. She wonders how things got like this.

They used to be so happy. They used to share everything and anything and now they never talk. Regina feels a tear roll down her cheek. She misses Emma so much. She misses having someone to come home to and share her day with. She misses having someone be there for her. She misses having someone to be there for. She misses Emma more than she could ever imagine missing someone.

Right now she doesn't feel like she has a girlfriend.

She doesn't feel like she has anyone.

* * *

(Present)

Regina walks through the door and smiles nervously at Emma before sitting down at the opposite end of the couch.

"Hello Archie" she says as means of greeting the therapist she hasn't seen in three years.

"Regina, good to see you again," he replies. Truth be told when Regina left all those years ago he wasn't as surprised as some people were. Like most people in town he had seen how their relationship had deteriorated. A lot of people never expected Regina to leave but for a while Archie had wondered how long it would take before one of them gave in.

Emma smiles at Regina, "Hey."

"Hey," Regina says. She doesn't really know how to start this. She doesn't know what to say to Emma anymore. She sighs thinking of their past when Emma used to be the one person who she could go to and say anything to. With Emma she had a connection. She never had to worry about being judged or awkwardness because Emma used to be there to listen just like she was there for Emma too. Now they've lost that and the thought sends a stab of pain through Regina's heart.

"How's Lila?" Emma asks. She too can feel the awkwardness between them and it only convinces her more of how much they need this. She just hopes these sessions will help them. Sitting here with Regina now hurts. It hurts Emma because it brings back memories of how close they used to be. Now, it's just so different.

Regina smiles, "She's okay thanks to you. Ruby's watching her."

Emma nods, "I'm sorry Snow did that," she says. She knows she has no control over what Snow did yet she can't help but feel like she could have stopped her mother. She could have stopped her so many times in the past but didn't.

Regina shrugs, "You couldn't have stopped her. I'm sorry you had to arrest her. I know what she means to you and that couldn't have been easy."

Emma frowns, "No it wasn't but it had to be done. She can't think she can do that. Lila isn't hers to take."

Archie cuts in, "Okay this is good but I believe the point of this session is to talk about the past. Right now you're both trying to distract. You're both trying to avoid the past which isn't going to work for either of you. You both need to sit down and talk about your children and the small talk is a good step but this session is for you two. It's for the pair of you to delve into the issues you have."

"Where do we start?" Emma asks.

Archie frowns, "Well where do you think we should start?"

Emma frowns, "I think the main thing I want to know is why. I know we have a lot more to talk about like how we spent the past three years and how we're going to raise Lila and Henry but right now I just need to know why you left. Why did I have to miss those three years? I know things weren't good but what made you leave?"

"Things weren't good," Regina repeats, "That's how you're putting it?"

Emma shrugs, "Yeah I guess."

"I think both of you have very different views on how your relationship was. Emma how did you see it?" Archie asks.

Emma chews her lip, "I knew things were bad. I mean I'm not naïve. I knew that. I knew that we'd sort of drifted apart but I guess I never realised things had got that desperate, that you chose to leave before talking to me."

Regina scoffs, "You can't talk to someone if they aren't there Emma. We didn't drift apart. You disappeared on me. One minute I had a true love and a son. I had you standing there promising me you would never leave and that you would always be there for me. Then as time it was as if you faded away. I didn't have you anymore. I didn't have anyone. I couldn't talk to you Emma because you weren't there to listen."

* * *

(Storybrooke - April 2013)

Emma unlocks her phone, her fingers hovering over the keys before she sighs and locks the screen again. Today her mother showed her a field full of beans. She knows what that means. It means they want to go back to the Enchanted Forest. It means going to a land she doesn't really want to go back to. Yet she knows she will.

She will because she can just picture her parents' faces if she tries to tell them she doesn't want to. She can picture disappointment and their rejection and she can't do it. She just can't. She figures she at least owes it to them to try, right?

And yet a voice lingers in the back of her mind telling her she shouldn't. A voice tells her to fight it and to put herself first for a change but she shakes it off. She wants her parents. She wants them to want her and if she wants a relationship with them she guesses that means going back to the Enchanted Forest.

She sighs as she stares at her phone wallpaper. It's still a photo of her and Regina. She smiles tracing the picture of the pair of them. She looks at Regina's smile and smiles. It's only then that she realises how long it's been since she saw that smile in real life. She realises it's been a while since she's seen Regina full-stop.

Emma let herself get busy. She let herself be sucked into her parent's world and into parenting Henry and before she even knew it, it had been three whole weeks since she spoke to Regina. She's had a lot of missed calls and responded with a few texts but otherwise they've barely talked. Emma sighs again before sliding down to Regina's name in her phone. It used to be her most dialled number but now she can't even remember it.

She really should call. She misses Regina. She does. She can remember how a few months ago they spoke all the time. They certainly didn't go this long without seeing each other. They didn't go a day without talking. Emma frowns as her thumb hovers over Regina's name knowing that they should talk. After all she loves Regina which means they need to communicate.

She's about to dial when Henry comes in, "Hey Ma, Grandma told me to come get you so we can go to dinner. Dad's coming," he adds with a grin.

Emma smiles back though she wishes Snow would stop inviting Neal all the time. Maybe one day her mother will get the message. She throws her phone down on the bed before following Henry.

Tomorrow, she thinks, tomorrow I'll call.

* * *

(Present)

"You could have called," Emma says. It's a weak defence and she knows it. She doesn't have a good excuse. In those last few months she made several excuses not to talk to Regina when she should have done and none of them were good. The problem was that she always thought there would be a tomorrow for her to talk to Regina. She never imagined that one day she would wake up to find that tomorrow was gone.

Regina huffs before crossing her arms, "I did call. You didn't answer. How can you not see how bad things were between us?" She doesn't believe it. She has to know that Emma knows at least on some level that what they had could not be repaired back then. Their relationship was not just bad, it was virtually non-existent.

Emma sighs. "I know," she says. At times over the past few years it was easier for her to pretend that perhaps things weren't that bad and that they could be fixed. That was far simpler than facing the truth – that their relationship had broken down to the point where it needed them both to be there to repair it. The main problem was that she wasn't there. She let their relationship fall apart bit by bit because she kept waiting for tomorrow. "I took you for granted," Emma says, "I do know that."

"Do you?" Regina asks, "Because it really doesn't feel like it. Part of me knows that on some level you might realise what our relationship was like but I don't think you understand how you made me feel."

"Then tell me," Emma replies, "Because I want to know. I need to know. I didn't understand back then. I was just so wrapped up in trying to be the saviour and what everyone else needed me to be that for a while I forgot to just be me. But here's the thing I was an idiot. I tried to be what everyone else wanted and it cost me all the things that mattered most. I pushed my friends away because I didn't stick up for them. I lost you because I let you go. I didn't try hard enough to hold onto you and that will be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I loved you. I still do and I want to understand how we got here. I want to understand how I made you feel because I never want you to feel like that again."

Regina smiles sadly, "I love you. I still do but I need you to understand that we aren't getting back together. In the future? Maybe, I can't speak about that because I don't know what's going to happen. Right now I need you to know that I can't just let you back into my heart. My priority right now is our kids. I want us to move on from the past and heal but I want us both to want this, not because of romance or picking up where we left off, but because we both know that we need this to heal as individuals. I'm here for me Emma. I'm here so I can stop burying the past and face it instead."

Emma nods. She chews her lip before replying, "I'm here for many reasons Regina. I'm here for Henry and Lila because I want us to raise them without the awkward tension. I'm here because I do want you back. I know it's not going to happen now. It may not happen ever but I still have hope because I love you. I know though that if there is ever a chance of us getting back together that we need to deal with the past. But I'm also here for me. I need to face my past and reconcile my own demons."

Regina listens intently before nodding. "Okay," she says. She knows that Emma wants them to get better but she's glad that the other woman is aware that if it does happen then it will be a long time. Regina is well aware of the fact that she is in no way ready to let Emma back into her life like that nor does she think Emma is either.

Archie nods making a note in his pad, "Okay it seems like you both have an idea of what you want which is good. I think it's important that you're both aware that neither one of you is ready to discuss getting back together yet. I think for now let's keep the discussion to the aspects of your relationship that you both feel you need to deal with. Regina, Emma wanted to know how she made you feel so why don't you tell us?"

* * *

(Boston – May 2013)

Regina sits on the floor of her new apartment. It's empty but in a different way to the way her mansion was. This apartment whilst bare of furnishings feels nowhere near as lonely and haunted as her mansion did. She sighs taking a deep breath as she looks around her new home. Part of her feels better just from being away from Storybrooke.

Being in that town was just too painful. Every second spent in her house only broke her heart anymore. Waking up here in the apartment whilst she is alone she is reminded of new beginnings and her fresh start. Waking up here she at least feels a little hopeful that she can be happy. She misses Henry and Emma every day, she misses them so much that some days she finds herself crying without even realising it. Yet, being here is far better for her than being in Storybrooke.

When she woke up in the mansion each morning she would be faced with the space where Emma used to be. She would walk down the halls and see a bedroom where her son used to sleep. She would pad along hallways which used to be filled with her son's running footsteps. The kitchen would remind her of family breakfasts and dinners as she sat down to one solo bowl of cereal. Every nook and cranny of that house was filled with memories. The mansion, which she once called home, was now haunted to her, reminding her of everything she had lost.

What hurt her more would be the days she went out into Storybrooke only to see Emma and Henry happy without her. Those moments shattered her heart into pieces. She needed them to be happy, to give her any sense of hope and yet they didn't need her.

At least here in Boston she is not faced with the pain of those who had left her behind.

Now in her this new place she feels as if she can try again. She rests her hand on her stomach and smiles to herself. "We're going to be okay little baby," she promises, "this is our fresh start."

She hopes it will be.

She hopes for a happiness that no longer seemed possible in Storybrooke.

* * *

(Present)

Regina stares at her hands for a few moments as she tries to think of the best way to express just exactly how she felt. She, herself, didn't even know how to describe it until she had left and spent some time away from Emma. Only, after a few months of being away from that situation did she find a way to define how she felt.

"Regina?" Emma asks. Truthfully part of her is scared to know the answer. She knows from Regina's lengthy pause that how she made the brunette feel must have been far worse than she realised. She knew she had hurt Regina by pushing her away but not this badly.

Regina looks up before turning to Emma, "You won't like it."

"I'm not meant to," Emma says, "I hurt you and I think I need to know how because right now I know things had broken down between us but I don't understand exactly what it was that made you leave."

Regina sighs before she answers, "I felt almost as badly as I did when I was with Leopold."

At that Emma gasps, "What?" She wasn't expecting that. She really truly never imagined that she could have made Regina feel that badly.

"Not as badly. I didn't feel the anger or the rage that I did when I was with him but I the neglect and the loneliness? Yes. Emma you made me feel worthless. I felt like I didn't matter. You never called. You never checked in. How many times did you tell me you would come over and then stand me up? With Leopold I was pretty much a glorified babysitter who he would parade around when necessary. In those last few months I didn't even feel like I was worth that. I never saw Henry and none of you even trusted me to see without supervision. You never wanted to see me just to see me. I hated it when Leopold would show me off but I knew it meant that he felt I was something to show off. As horrible as that was the worst thing I ever felt with him was that I didn't matter unless he needed me for something. With you I didn't seem to matter at all. You never needed me. You never wanted me." She pauses before continuing, "You weren't as hurtful as Snow could be at times but you certainly never stopped her. You just sat back and let her make me feel worthless. Emma, you were meant to be my true love and yet all I felt was so utterly alone and neglected. I started to wonder if I even was worth anything at all. I had no hope. I had no reason to get up in the mornings, no reason to keep fighting. Then I found out I was pregnant and finally there was hope. I finally felt like I could be worth something to someone, like I could be happy just not here and not with you." As she finishes she swipes at her now damp cheeks to wipe away the tears that fell as she spoke. Archie wordlessly hands her a tissue letting the two women gather themselves.

Emma takes her time to digest Regina's words. She can't believe she never noticed that Regina had felt this way. She can't believe she was the one to make her feel that way. And yet she was. The thought makes her feel sick to her stomach. She had true love and she treated it like it was nothing. Emma realises this was her way for a long time. Pushing away was just another way of running. She spent so long feeling like she would never be happy, that she could never have a happy ending that when she had one she didn't even recognise it until it was too late.

She doesn't know what to say now. What can you say when you made someone you love feel like they didn't even matter to you?

She rests her head in her hands as she tries to imagine just how horrible that must have been. When she was with Regina she never for a second felt unloved. In fact she felt as if she were truly cherished and adored. For the first time she felt like she could be happy. And she threw it all away. She wonders why she keeps doing this to herself.

Before when she fled from relationships she was only really hurting herself. She kept herself closed off to avoid being hurt. She pushed herself into a lonely solitary life until she came to Storybrooke when she couldn't anymore.

She had Henry who made her realise she didn't want to be alone anymore. She found Regina and fell in love and decided to try to be happy. And yet along the way she broke a curse and lost herself. She forgot about the happy ending she had found and began trying to find a new one with her parents. In doing so she didn't just hurt herself but Regina too.

Emma feels a tear roll down her cheek as she realises the damage her self-sabotage caused them both. She never meant for Regina to feel this way but she supposes the intention doesn't matter. At the end of the day, even if she didn't mean to, she still broke Regina's heart and made her feel like nothing.

"Emma do you want to respond to what Regina just said?" Archie asks tentatively. As he asks it Regina turns to look at Emma too.

Emma gasps at Regina's tear-streaked cheeks. She never saw first-hand the pain and heartache she caused Regina. She had felt her own. She felt it every day that Regina was missing from her life. On one level she knew that Regina must have been in absolute agony to make her leave. But she never saw it until today, until she heard Regina's words and felt the full impact of Regina's feelings hit her. Her heart stings with the weight of what she's done. She didn't just destroy her own happiness but Regina's too. She promised to never hurt Regina and yet, Emma thinks, she might be the one to have caused her the most pain.

"I-" she stumbles knowing that no words can really heal the pain she's caused. All she can do is let Regina know she heard her. Emma frowns knowing she spent far too long ignoring Regina. She turned a blind eye to the other woman's pain but she can't anymore. "I-I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I know that probably doesn't mean much. I know that me saying sorry doesn't change anything. I know it can't change anything because nothing changes the fact that you felt that way. You should never have felt that way and I'm so sorry that I was the one to make you feel like that. I never realised Regina and I should have. I don't really have an excuse, not a good one but then there is no good excuse for that. You should never have felt like that. I wish I could go back and see what I was doing but I can't. All I can do is apologise to you and promise that I will never neglect you like that again."

Regina doesn't really know how to respond. Her last memories of Emma in Storybrooke are of being ignored and forgotten. To have her feelings acknowledged is a surprise to her now. She wishes she wasn't so surprised by having her feelings recognised and listened to. All she ever wanted back then was for Emma to see her, for Emma to know how she felt and do something about it. Today even if it was just listening and apologising it was something. It was all she wished Emma had done so many years ago. It may not seem like much to anyone else but for Regina it's a step in the right direction.

_Always happy to hear what you think. Thanks for reading :) _


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you for all the reviews to the last chapter, this chapter's a bit fluffier than the last one or at least I hope it is. I don't own Once or its characters. Apologies for any mistakes. Hope you enjoy this chapter :) _

(Storybrooke – March 2012)

Emma smiles as she jogs up the stairs to Regina's office. It's a beautiful spring day and she's willing to guess that the mayor is as bored of being trapped indoors as she is. At least she hopes so. Emma finished all her paperwork this morning and spent the past couple of hours looking out at the sun wishing she were outdoors in it. She just doesn't want to be outside in it alone.

She knocks on the door and Regina looks up smiling at her girlfriend. They've only just become public and she's happy that they no longer have to keep it a secret. Regina knows that sooner or later the curse will break and her happiness will be threatened. Right now, though she's enjoying being able to be happy with Emma and her son.

"Hey," Emma says walking over to Regina's desk.

"Hey," Regina replies smiling up at Emma before greeting her with a loving kiss. "Did you get your work done?"

"I did and I was thinking maybe we could go to the park with Henry?"

Regina frowns, "I have work to do and Henry's at school."

Emma looks at her watch, "Henry finishes school in ten minutes. Now come on, you can sit here with a bunch of boring files or you can take one afternoon off work to be with your family on this lovely day."

Regina chuckles, "I'll come but only because I suspect you're about two seconds away from pulling out your puppy face."

Emma laughs taking Regina's hand and pulling her up. She kisses her sweetly before smiling, "Let's go get our son."

Henry doesn't fail to hide his surprise at both of his mothers showing up to get him from school. He takes a note of their entwined hands with a small frown. He knows they're dating and he's trying to get on board for Emma's sake but Operation Cobra still lingers in the back of his mind. He smiles up at his mothers before walking over

"Hey Moms. I thought Emma was picking me up today?" he asks.

Regina's smile falls slightly knowing her son would probably prefer it were she not here. They're trying to be a family but she knows Henry still doesn't trust her. She sighs knowing that whilst they might not be perfect they can still enjoy a day together. Emma squeezes her hand reassuringly before smiling at her. "Well I was but then I was thinking we could all go to the park together. You know kid like a family."

Henry chews his lip before walking over to walk next to Emma, "Okay. As long as we can get ice-cream."

Emma smiles glad he didn't outright reject the idea. She knows things are tense between him and Regina. She understands why. She's listened to the whole Operation Cobra spiel. She doesn't know whether to believe him or not. Regina has told her it's true and yet part of can't quite believe it to be true. How can the Regina she knows be an evil queen? It doesn't make sense to her. She shakes her head putting thoughts of curses and fairytales aside. She'd rather just spend a day with her family. It's taken her so long to find one that she wants to enjoy being a part of one.

"What do you say Regina? Ice-cream."

"Are you buying?" Regina asks, "If so I want strawberry."

Emma grins, "Strawberry it is."

* * *

(Present)

It's been a week since their first therapy session. They have another one pencilled in for tomorrow afternoon and Emma has no idea what to expect. After the last one all she could think of was how badly she hurt Regina and that it would probably take a lifetime for her to make it up to her, if she ever could. She knew this would be hard. She knew that discussing the past with Regina was going to be painful. She just never realised how painful it would be.

Her main hope is that at the end of it all they can come out stronger, that somehow they can reconcile their pasts and have some kind of present.

She sighs as she sees the appointment bolded out on her calendar. She has no idea what fresh pain tomorrow's session will bring. All she knows is that they need them or the past will crush them. She just wishes she could find a way to not think about it for a few hours.

Emma smiles as her eyes flicker down and over to a picture Lila drew for her during their last visit. The little girl told her the colourful scribble was a butterfly and Emma treasures the drawing and the moments she gets with her daughter. She has another visit with her the day after tomorrow and she can't wait.

"Hey kid," Emma says as Henry makes his way downstairs. Since hitting his teenage years he sleeps in on the weekends now.

"Hey Ma," he yawns before grabbing a bowl of cereal and diving into it. Emma chuckles to herself. In moments like this one she can tell he is just so her son. A knock at that door has them both looking up.

"It's Sunday," Henry says in surprise.

Emma nods, "I know. No-one comes here on a Sunday." Well her parents sometimes do but since her mother is still fuming over her arrest and Regina's return she doubts it's them. She walks over and opens the door. She grins at seeing Lila at the door.

"Hi Lila," she says happily.

"Hi" Lila says with a shy wave. The little girl is slowly warming up to her but Emma's just thrilled to be able to see her.

"Where's your Mommy?" Emma asks looking around for Regina. Her question is answered when Regina comes running up her driveway. The brunette scoops up her daughter, "Boo bear I said to wait for me."

"Sorry Mommy. I wanted to see Miss Emma," Lila says.

Emma smiles brightly before turning to Regina, "So what's up?" she asks. She hadn't expected to see Regina until tomorrow. It's a nice surprise but a surprise nonetheless.

"Well Lila and I were going to go to the park today and I was thinking that maybe you and Henry might want to come along?" Regina asks. She fidgets slightly as she asks the question. She can remember all too vividly when she, Emma and Henry used to go to the park as a family all the time. The thought saddens her as she thinks of how far they've come since then and where they are now. However, as much pain as there is in their past and as awkward as things still are between them, Regina was thinking that maybe they could have one afternoon where they get to spend time with their kids. No therapy. No intense conversations. No pain and horrible memories. No stilted awkwardness as they attempt to negotiate their new relationship as co-parents. Just a day in the park. It's a way of taking her mind off all that remains for them to talk about. It's just one afternoon of peace and happiness.

Emma smiles at the offer. She recognises it for what it is. It's a chance for them to just be parents. It's chance for them to be with their kids and distract themselves from whatever may come up tomorrow. "We'd love to," Emma says. She's certainly not about to turn down extra time with her daughter, and possibly an afternoon with Regina where it isn't awkward.

* * *

(Storybrooke – April 2014)

Henry sighs as he stares over his Maths homework. He drops his pencil before rubbing his head in his hands. God he hates fractions. He always has. Maths has never been his strong suit, ever since his first day at school it's been the subject he dreads.

His Mom always found a way to get around it though. She would always sit beside him even if she had a mountain of paperwork sitting on her desk. She would simply put it aside and kneel down next to Henry while they worked out his Maths problems together.

He smiles as he remembers how whenever he came back with an A in Maths they would go out for ice-cream sundaes to celebrate.

She did everything she could to help. He chuckles as he remembers the bizarre video game about Maths she got him. At first he cringed at the very idea of it because he would much rather have been playing Sonic but to his surprise the game helped and he wound up thanking his Mom for it.

Now he sits at his desk and frowns. There's no smell of cinnamon and apples lingering over his shoulder as his Mom checks his answers. There's no-one telling him cheesy Maths puns they'd found on the internet to cheer up when he couldn't get the answer.

He loves Emma but on evenings like this when she's on the evening shift and he's squirreled away in a corner of the old apartment as Granny knits nearby. He's thirteen but his Ma still insists on a babysitter. He just wishes she'd leave him one who would offer him homework help. Not that it would matter because it wouldn't be the person who had helped him for the first ten years.

He never thought he could miss a person so much. It's on days like this where he's torn. He's angry at her for leaving him. On the other hand he can't help but feel sad because he never realised what he had before it was gone.

He pushes his homework aside and allows himself to drift off into daydreams. He has two main ones. The first is where he tries to imagine his Mom and where she might be now. He likes to picture her happy purely because after so long it would suck if she wasn't. The second is the one where he finally finds her again. He knows that if he does see her again it will be on Regina's terms but he hopes the day does come when he sees her again.

When it does he hopes for ice-cream sundaes.

* * *

(Present)

"How's the ice-cream?" Regina asks as she and Henry walk around the park before settling on a bench so she can still see Emma and Lila. She wants so badly to trust Emma with Lila but she's still getting there.

Emma's apology at the end of their last session was a start. It helped Regina a great deal purely because it meant a validation of her feelings which was all she had wanted years ago. Right now as important as the words were to her she still needs to see proof that Emma understands and that Emma sees her. She needs to see that Emma has changed and that she is a person she can trust. Each time she sees Emma and Lila together she feels more at ease but she knows she still needs more time before she trusts Emma completely. She still has a lot she needs to ask Emma about and she knows that the therapy with Archie will hopefully help them regain a sense of trust with each other.

Henry shrugs as he takes a bite of the ice-cream, "It's good." He can remember the last time they got ice-cream together. It was nearly four years ago. He leans back at that realisation remembering how he used to hate it when Emma dragged him to the park with her and Regina. He used to resent any time that Emma invited Regina to join them because at the time he was wrapped up in Operation Cobra.

Thinking about those memories makes him realise just how much he's missed the little moments with his Mom. Emma's a great Mom too but it doesn't change the fact that for ten years Regina was all he knew.

He still finds it hard to know what to say to his Mom now. He can tell she feels the same way. "How was therapy?" he asks.

She blinks at the question, "It was….it was intense," she replies. "It's going to take us a long time Henry to get past everything but we're making a start."

"That's good Mom," he says. He saw how Emma was straight after the session. She spent a lot of time simply thinking and crying. He sighs remembering that there was a time when they all could have been happy. There was a time when Emma and Regina were happy and he could have been a part of it. Instead he played a hand in destroying it. "I'm sorry."

"What for Henry?" she asks.

"For trying to push you and Emma apart. I should have just accepted that you two were happy. Instead I stood in the way."

Regina sighs before putting an arm around her son's broad shoulders, "Henry what happened between your Ma and me was not your fault. After my mother faked Archie's death things were already starting to become strained. And well after you guys went to New York it only got worse."

"I know but I didn't help. When Ma and Grandma fell through the portal I moved in with Grandpa so I kind of made Ma move out on you too because she had to stay with me. If I hadn't done that then you two probably would have stayed living together."

Regina shakes her head, "You don't know that Henry. We might have stayed living together. We might not have done. We can't say either way. I don't blame you for what happened between Emma and I. We both made our own choices and we're working our way through the consequences of those choices. As for you and me, well I just want to get to know you again."

He smiles, "Me too. I can't believe you still think strawberry ice-cream is the best," he says pointing to her cone in an attempt to lighten the mood.

She chuckles, "Because it is or are you still a fan of the chocolate?"

"Always," he says taking another bite of his ice-cream.

Across the park Emma and Lila sit in the sandpit. She didn't know where her daughter liked to play so she let Lila lead the way and the toddler went straight for the sand. Part of Emma was saddened by the very fact that she didn't know where Lila likes to play. The other part of is focussing on the positives and the new things she's learning about her daughter.

This was exactly the distraction she needed. Sitting here in the park with Lila and seeing Regina and Henry together gives her hope. It lets her believe that down the line they can all be a family together and that they can have a happy ending again. She smiles to herself as she watches Lila scoop sand into a bucket so she can make a castle. Her happy ending may be a long way off yet but she can have moments like this where she can get to know her child.

"What are you making Lila?" she asks.

"A castle," the toddler replies, "'Cause I'm a pwincess. That's what Mommy says."

Emma grins looking at the dark haired little girl. Her hair is up in pigtails and she's dressed in floral printed jeans and a pink t-shirt that declares her to be a princess. Her daughter beams at her as she mentions her Mommy and Emma can't help but smile back. It's impossible not to see what a happy and healthy little girl Lila is. "You are a princess Lila" Emma says as she ruffles the toddler's hair.

"Miss Emma," Lila says as she moves her castle aside and walks over to the swings. She motions for Emma to put her in the swing and the blonde nods before lifting the little girl up and putting her in the seat.

"There you go," Emma says and Lila smiles at her before giving her a serious look, "Miss Emma, Mommy says you're my Mama."

Emma offers the little girl a small smile knowing it will take some time for the toddler to see her as her Mama, "That's right."

Lila nods, "So I have Mommy and a Mama?"

"Yes," Emma says.

"Okay," Lila says before swerving over to a new conversation. "Swing!" she shouts before looking at Emma. Emma chuckles before moving to push the swing. She can't help the smile that spreads across her face as the youngster laughs and shrieks as the swing moves back and forth.

Later that afternoon as Henry plays with his younger sister Emma sits down besides Regina.

"This was nice," she says with a smile as she watches their two kids play.

Regina nods, "It really was. I can't get over how much Henry has grown in the past three years."

"I know," Emma replies, "I still remember when he first came to find me. He was adorable and little and now he's nearly a man. It's scary how fast kids grow."

"Tell me about it," Regina says before looking at Emma, "Thank you."

"What for?" Emma asks confusedly.

"Henry. I know I left you in the lurch when I skipped town all those years ago and I know it couldn't have been easy suddenly having to do everything by yourself. I just wanted to say thank you because he's an amazing young man."

Emma chuckles, "I wish I could take the credit. He was already an awesome kid when I met him, you did a really good job Regina. I'm lucky he was as mature as he was. It took me a while to learn how to be a good Mom. I think I got there though with his help."

"You did," Regina assures her, "If you hadn't we'd know about it. He's a good kid Emma and I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of him."

"You're welcome. It wasn't easy but together we got there. He missed you a lot. I was there but you were his Mom for ten years. There was a lot of stuff I just didn't know. I guess it's the same with Lila now. I don't know her but I'm looking forward to getting the chance to. She's an awesome little girl Regina."

Regina smiles proudly, "She really is."

"I mean it. You've done an amazing job with her."

"I'm doing my best," Regina says.

Emma nods in understanding, "I think that's all we can do right now."

Regina smiles turning to look at her. She nods in agreement, "Yes."

They sit in silence for several more minutes as they enjoy the day. Their kids are playing happily together in the park. For a moment it doesn't feel awkward and both women can feel the lack of tension.

It's probably the most comfortable either woman has felt with the other since Regina came back into town. Regina sinks back into the bench as she watches Lila and Henry. She finds in this moment she has nothing to say to Emma. Their new normal in these silent moments is awkwardness and tension and yet right now Regina feels oddly comfortable.

_You're happy _she thinks and she stiffens with the realisation. In this moment having spent the afternoon with Lila, Henry and Emma she feels happy. She feels like she used to do back when they were first together and that unsettles her slightly.

It worries her how easy it is to feel this ways, to feel happy and comfortable with Emma. It worries her because all she can think of is how they were several years ago and how quickly that fell apart. She shifts on the seat keeping her eyes on Lila and Henry. _You're here for your kids _she reminds herself, _just Lila and Henry, you can't let her back into your heart Regina_. She can't. Not yet. Not when she still doesn't know whether or not she can trust Emma.

She can't let herself be happy in this moment because she fears it slipping out of her grasp. The thought makes her frown slightly as she realises how hard it is to be happy with Emma now. Before there was no over-thinking it. She remembers letting herself be happy only to have her heart broken.

She shakes her head before forcing herself to look at Lila and remind herself that she can be happy without losing it.

Emma switches her gaze between her children and Regina. It feels strangely right to be here with Regina. She feels her arm twitch before clamping her hand down on it to resist the urge to wrap her arm around Regina. The whole moment feels too much like before.

Sitting here with Regina she can't help but lose herself in memories of the past. She thinks of sitting on this very bench with Regina. She thinks of snuggling together on winter days and watching Henry play on the playground in the summer. This afternoon has been exactly what she needed to get her mind off of therapy tomorrow. Instead of worrying about the pain of the past or stressing over her mother's plan she got to spend an afternoon with her children and Regina.

All she can think of is how happy she feels right now. She feels like they're a family and that in the future maybe they will all be one together for more than one afternoon.

She lets herself forget about the past and the agony they need to overcome for a moment and simply enjoys this moment where she can hope.

She turns to look at Regina. In the sunlight it strikes her just how beautiful Regina is. She's always known her to be but there are moments like this where it takes her breath away. Longer hair suits her and the sun gives her skin a healthy joyful glow.

Emma loses herself in memories of the past. She lets herself forget the pain of the present and in that moment her instincts from the past take over. She forgets to resist the urge to give into the past and in that moment she leans forward and kisses Regina.

* * *

(Storybrooke – November 2011)

Emma huffs in frustration as she grabs the latest folder left on her desk before storming upstairs to face off with Regina. The brunette is equal parts infuriating and gorgeous and it drives Emma absolutely crazy. She can tell the other woman must enjoy their confrontations at least a little given how often Regina finds excuses for them to challenge each other.

She ignores Regina's secretary before barging into the woman's office. Regina snaps up before giving Emma a smirk, "How can I help you Sheriff Swan?"

"Seriously Regina?" Emma asks holding up the file, "Again?"

"Well perhaps if you did it right the first time," Regina says standing up to step into Emma's personal space. It's not lost on Emma that every time they fight Regina gets so close that Emma can smell her perfume and feel her breath on her cheeks.

Emma smirks back, "We both know this report is fine."

"Do we dear?" Regina asks.

"Yes. You just want an excuse to call me up here," Emma says cockily. She knows she's right and she's tired of toying around with it.

"Oh do I?" Regina asks evasively but she steps closer to Emma all the same.

"Yes," Emma replies dropping the folder down on Regina's desk. She steps forward until Regina is leaning back against her desk. Her eyes drop down to Regina's plump red lips and her breath hitches. She notices how Regina looks her up and down with hooded eyes. It's Regina who leans forward before pulling Emma in for a kiss.

Emma kisses back immediately feeling herself melt into the passion of the kiss she's wanted for so long. She savours the taste of Regina's lips as she cups Regina's cheeks in her hand to pull her closer. Both women delve deeper into the kiss before pulling apart.

They stare at each other for a few seconds neither one of them saying anything before they pull each other in for another kiss.

* * *

(Present)

Regina's eyes widen as Emma kisses her. She wasn't expecting it. For a moment she lets herself fall into the kiss before she pulls back into reality. She can't let this happen. She can't. It would be too easy to just fall into the kiss but she's not ready. She can't do this. Not now and now with Emma. This simply cannot be happening now.

She feels panic rising in her chest. _Don't do this_ her mind screams and she pulls away. She can't lose herself to this moment. It's too soon. She can feel her breath quickening and her chest tightening as cold panic overtakes her.

She can't stay here in this moment with Emma.

She does the only thing she can think to do. She leaps off the bench and runs to grab Lila. She hurries off an apology and a goodbye to Henry before fleeing the park.

Emma curses herself as Regina runs off.

_Shit_.

She can't believe she let herself get lost in the past and did that. She knows that it only takes one mistake to ruin everything. Emma prays she hasn't just made that mistake.

She buries her head in her hands.

_What the hell did I just do? _

* * *

_Thanks for reading :)_


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